#I can use my desktop computer but I wanted to see if still can handle rendering programs

[0428julie]

Testing rendering with my notebook

[copperbadge]

Well, Still Salty.

I was cranky yesterday and I thought a good night's sleep would provide some adjustment in perspective, but unfortunately "spending yesterday not on tumblr" also offered perspective and got there first.

Up front: feel free to comment or reblog on this post (replies may be heavily delayed) but if you feel the urge to Like, I'm going to ask you to take one more step and go to https://www.tumblr.com/support, select "feedback" as the category, and enter a line or two about the new dash. It can be as simple as "Your new dash design is difficult to use and is driving people off the site". I'm not asking everyone to do it, but if you're going to Like this post, that would be a helpful action in addition. You can delete any response they send; no reason to expose yourself to the unique combination of incompetence and condescension with which they handle feedback generally.

Also up front: yeah, if I find somewhere else to go and go there, I will certainly let you guys know beforehand, I'm not going to just evaporate. I'll be broadcasting about Tumblr's replacement on Tumblr very heavily. But I can't deny that it is now an active goal of mine to find a viable replacement for this site. (More on this in a moment.) You will always be able to find me on AO3 as copperbadge, or via copperbadge@gmail.com. (More on this in a moment also.)

This kind of thing is why I refuse to fuck with staff now or ever; I don't trust them and I never will. Watching @wip respond to almost every complaint or suggestion with "but that would be really hard" is telling. Whoever is pushing blocks around at Tumblr wants a lucrative site that's easy to code, but lucrative is hostile to community and code is difficult by nature, and when the architecture of the meeting hall is hostile and cheap, people don't stick around.

I've been watching the site as every change made it incrementally worse, from a buggy post window that doesn't allow ease of editing to the new dash (which is the reason I'm writing this in a text window off Tumblr). I genuinely do not think I can use desktop Tumblr like this unless I can install something that will put it back the way it was, and roughly 40% of the content you guys get HAS to come through desktop. It's impossible to do on a phone or so time-consuming it's not worth it. I cannot code Radio Free Monday on a phone; it's a struggle to code it on a single-monitor laptop (I usually write it on my work computer, where I have two monitors). Even writing image IDs on the phone is difficult and something I rarely do. Tumblr is becoming an actively difficult place for me to make content, introducing friction left and right.

But where does one go? I've tried other platforms and they're either worse to use or they don't have the constituency. The problem with a lot of discourse around internet addiction is that it often points out how glued people are to their phones without asking what it is they're doing on those phones. I'm not addicted to social media; I don't doomscroll, I don't care what celebrities have to say, I don't find 140 characters useful or interesting, I don’t find most “funny” videos very interesting. I create a lot of original content for public consumption, significantly more than many social media users, and if that becomes difficult, then the site suffers more than I do. But it's undeniable that social media, and this social media in specific, is where my people are, and yeah, I like seeing you all every day. It makes it difficult to leave even when Tumblr is the best of a bad set of options.

It seems like a lot of the internet, lately, is the best of a bad set of options.

All that said, Tumblr forced a sudden, unwanted, and unchangeable reskin on me a day after I listened to a two-hour podcast about addiction while working on building a newsletter system for my author site. I spent the evening before this happened in contemplation of my relationship to social media and to my readership and how I might alter it to my benefit regardless of whether that's also to Tumblr's detriment. Their poor timing, I suppose. A lot of the theories advanced on the podcast were, to put it kindly, bunk, but one of the suggestions for people questioning their relationship to an activity was a dopamine fast -- removing something in your life that gives you quick but unsustained dopamine hits, so that you can take some time to level out and examine your behaviors. On the one hand, that's not at all how dopamine works; from the jump it's a bad theory. But on the other, pulling back from something you think may be causing you difficulty is generally speaking a good tactic.

Removing myself from Tumblr yesterday was an active process: because I have ADHD and often will forget something exists if I don't systematize my engagement with it, Tumblr is normally pinned to my browser, with the app on my phone's top screen. Removing the app and closing the window meant that while I occasionally reached for Tumblr, it was less frequently than I expected, and the lack of access reminded me why I wasn't there. I missed you guys, but I didn't miss getting distracted from work by my dash, or the pressure to respond to the volume of communication I receive through the site daily. I don't think my use of tumblr as my sole social media has been unhealthy, per se, but certainly yesterday felt both quieter and calmer after I walked away.

But that's a temporary relief, because you are my community, and not only do I not want to leave my community, it's a resource for me. One of the reasons I do things like Radio Free Monday and the weekly Hug on Saturdays is that I try to make sure that resource is reciprocal. Leadership involves service. Leaving would be easy in the short term, but in the long term, leaving my community without having another place to meet it, or another community to go to, would be harmful to both of us. I'm already someone who isolates, and while I have a strong brickspace circle of friends, they fulfill sometimes different needs.

Though I do appreciate the wild vote of confidence from the comments to my last post telling me people would come with me where I went. That means a lot to me. I will attempt to make it either unnecessary or as painless as possible. Just know, I see your faith and friendship and I appreciate it.

Sometimes at my old job I'd be in very tumultuous meetings where a lot was discussed and not much agreed on, and the most useful thing to me was always to say, "What are our next steps? What would you like me to do because of this meeting?" So what are next steps, all this being the case?

First, I'm going to be off Tumblr, mostly, for another couple of days, because clearly I need the break and a few days won't matter too much. Again, I will be back either to continue on the site or to let you guys know, at length and volume, where I'm headed. The former is much more likely.

Second, I'm going to be actively looking for both a widget I can install to reset the dash (recommendations welcome, I currently don't even use xkit) and a wholly new platform that's a realistically viable alternative. Even if the dash gets reset, the shitty post editor is here for good. Attempts to source alternative platforms in the past have taught me that it needs to have a mobile-friendly site or an app, a similar structure to tumblr, and a reasonable chance of actually attracting users. That's a heavy venn diagram unlikely to be fulfilled anytime soon, but I'm now invested in finding it, instead of just passively waiting for it to happen to me (as Tumblr did when it pulled me off LJ).

Third, I do have an email newsletter in the works! I'm just wrestling currently with setting up how people sign up for it. This wasn't meant to be "my main broadcast platform"; it's meant to be a once-monthly email to share book news, targeted at people who aren't on socials or who just really love content from me, I guess. :D The plan was for me to assure Tumblr users that it was not extra content, just select content repackaged into a digest. But it will be one way to ensure that if I'm moving around outside of Tumblr, you'll know about it. I hope to have a link to a signup page soon. (I'm....dealing with some code issues.)

Fourth, I'm going to be combing through the last ten years I've spent here and pulling anything I think is of value into an archive. For now everything will remain here as well, and I'll let you guys know if I think that's going to change, but it's clear that this space is moving only one direction, towards a place I can't exist, and when/if it crumbles I want to have already evacuated what's important.

So there you go. I'll possibly be posting sporadically (the Saturday Hugs are queued six months in advance so that'll happen) but if nothing else and if not sooner, I'll be back full-time next week starting with Radio Free Monday. I appreciate your patience and your kindness in the meantime!

[lilblucat]

I just saw the ask by slushysblog. In response you sent a gif that blew me away:

You see, I'm just getting into digital art, and my PC can only handle about 5 or 6 layers before my graphics environment crashes. (Ofc this forces me to restart my PC and lose anything not saved.)

I've learned to work around this, my art isn't nearly so complex as yours, but I know if I want to continue I'll have to get a better computer at some point.

I was hoping you could tell me a bit about the technical side of your work. What are your PC specs? What software do you use? That sort of thing.

Thanks in advance! I love your art!

My set-up is complete overkill for art. It's a heavy gaming-ready desktop PC I got a few years back that I've upgraded the RAM and storage on over the years. I was doing fine with 16GB of RAM but I always have open a lot in CSP and other stuff so upgrading was definitely something I needed to do. 16GB should be fine for most people though.

You can also see that I run Arch Linux and uh yeahhhhhh it's a long story. The short of it is that my old laptop broke its Windows install during an update and I was completely unable to fix it so I just.... switched to Linux lol. I started out on Ubuntu and switched to Arch after a while. I don't rec using Arch unless you know what you're doing, Ubuntu is way easier.

What you might find more interesting is my away from home set up on my laptop since it's an older gaming laptop.

The graphics card is actually a NVIDIA Geforce 850 or something. It's so old that you can't play some games on it. However, I have no issues with it for art. I can open my comic project files in CSP fine on it. It's also running on Linux Mint, which isn't showing up on the little image for some reason. Both of my devices run Linux, but that's a me preference/need thing and I don't rec messing with your operating system if you don't know much about computers. It gives me a bit of an edge since the system doesn't use as much RAM as Windows but yeah don't touch unless you're committed to learn. Windows will serve you fine. Or MacOS even.

As for my program, I use Clip Studio Paint EX. I bought Pro a long time ago and upgraded to EX because of the extra tools for comics and animation (I've heard animators don't like CSP though, it's the BEST program for comics however). It's a really solid program but the recent changes to pricing and updates is really stupid. Fun fact: I use only default brushes and materials because getting it to run on Linux breaks the store. I also use an older version of it because of how I got it working on this system.

For my tablet I use an XP-Pen Artist 12 Pro. It's a pretty solid screen tablet on a budget (I bought it on a sale) and I have no issues with it. I actually partly got it because I thought it was cool that XP-Pen carries official drivers for Linux too, and this helped a bit since this was before Windows bricked on me and I switched to that. It was kinda weird how it played out lol. I would heavily not rec a Wacom tablet unless it's an older one for cheap. Wacom is stupidly expensive and you can get a better bang for your buck at other companies. My first tablet is a Wacom and it's still holding up pretty well but their quality on their new tablets isn't great. Check out XP-Pen, Gaomon, and Huion for better tablet options.

[secretariatess]

So.

I have had four laptops in my time. I am on my fourth laptop.

The middle two laptops were a joke. I got them because they were HP and my first HP laptop was good enough for me to like the brand to stick with it. But the hard drives kept having issues, and both of them had issues with the hinge popping out of the base. The second HP laptop went because the hinge wouldn't stay glued and my last attempt ended up pinching a wire to the screen. It would give me a cracked screen effect and not work. The third laptop had to have the hard drive replaced a couple of times (as did the second) and when it started showing signs that there was an issue with the hard drive again, I said screw it. I was going with a gaming laptop because with the expenses I was putting into those cheaper laptops just to keep a good hard drive going, I might as well splurge on something that can handle more. Also, light up keyboard.

But my first laptop.

Mind you, I've kept all the laptops. One will be going to my nephew so he can pull it apart and put it back together. The third is used to prop up the fourth, and is kind of a back up I don't want to use because it's so freaking slow.

My first one, though?

I had to get a new laptop. My first laptop is now ten years old. When I replaced it, it was dead pixeling if you didn't have the screen in a very specific spot, the battery was dead so it worked on charger only, the keyboard was in need of a very good clean, and closing and opening the lid was a procedure because the hinge kept getting banged up because of the way I would carry it (it would knock into door frames). It still worked, but it needed to be hooked up to a monitor if you wanted to see what you were doing. It lost the ability to be portable.

Mind you, that's the reason it had to be replaced. It didn't stop working. It just couldn't be moved around anymore. It had to be treated kind of like a desktop.

It runs Windows 8 and hasn't had an update in years. It's probably too old for Edge, so it still has Internet Explorer on it. For some reason, probably because it's old, it won't load up Civ VI. It now has a broken fan it tells you about before you can go to the login screen. Every time you turn it on.

It still runs faster than the third laptop. It's never had a hard drive replaced. It was cheaper than the middle laptops and has more processors. I'm pretty sure the CD drive still works.

A couple of weeks ago, though, I thought I ended its existence.

I accidentally spilled root beer on it. Liquid and sugar- the death of computers, right?

When the spill first occurred, it could turn on, but I was like, "That's because the damage hasn't settled yet." Within a couple of days, I noticed that the charging light was spazzing, as though it wanted to indicate the computer was plugged in and getting power, but it couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. Laptop wouldn't turn on.

Ah well, I thought. I have been thinking of getting a tower, so I'd have more space for games and video editing programs and whatnot.

Today, I noticed that the charging light was solidly on.

????

Must be a fluke.

Pressed the on button anyways.

Computer turns on.

EDSR;OGAIHSR;GLAKDN;AOIDRNSG'Asdg????????

Now this is likely a false alarm, since I don't have it plugged into the monitor, so I don't know how far it can actually go and what kind of damage it sustained, but.. . .

IT TURNED ON????

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!!!!

[coffeeknife]

blog reintroduction

the last time i used this account was when i was still a teenager. didn't feel like deleting and remaking on this handle though so uh. hey, i'm robin. i'm a married butch lesbian in mn. mostly logging back in so i can archive stuff on here where other people can see if they want

stuff i might post abt (under the cut)

managing physical/mental disability (my wife and i both have eds)

being broke and maintaining sanity/quality of life

it stuff. i have a cluster of servers at home running a lot of stuff to automate life. some stuff replaces subscriptions but i also do some budget smarthome stuff to make our living situation a little more accessible. i've also dabbled in backing up my personal healthcare record

more generally, extending the lifespan of (sometimes much older) tech & bending it to your will

some interests, though i tend to stay out of fandoms: trigun, dunmeshi, pokemon, ffxiv, persona series (but i dont touch that fandom with a ten foot pole) and a few others im sure i cant think of rn

also, feel free to send me asks about random tech things. i'll post some of my stuff later, but a quick rundown of my daily stuff

JUST replaced my phone. i only got my head out of the apple brainrot very recently, but my phone is a refurb'd note20 ultra that i intend to use for a very long time

desktop i built on the cheap. i5 (dont buy intel new, theyre zionists), intel arc graphics for video encoding

working on moving from a 2018-ish macbook air that's somehow barely runing to a 2010 thinkpad i salvaged from an ewaste bin. it's running pretty well on arch with a cheap SSD but it needs a new battery and a better display (and a modern wifi card eventually)

my server cluster that i've built over the last 10 years or so:

the manager computer is a 2017 imac i cut open to put more ram in. it was my primary computer until this year

2 raspberry pis that the manager dishes out tasks to. one is hooked up to an 8tb hard drive that it serves to the other 2 computers. the other has a zigbee receiver to handle cheap smarthome devices

3rd raspberry pi dedicated to networking. outside of the cluster, hosts a vpn so i can get into my stuff from anywhere without exposing it to the internet

salvaged two acer EEE laptops that i really want to convert into parts of the cluster bc i'm running out of cpu. they didn't come with power supplies and i have yet to get them to turn on

part of my goal for being active on here is to put some accessible resources on home servers out there. bc imo theyre insanely useful and learning how to do this stuff in general is good in the age of technological walled gardens

ok bye. follow me if you want ig, send me asks abt it stuff and i'll probably have something to say

[nywxnn]

Last Minute #01

This year, you had the amazing opportunity to organize the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting. As an event coordinator, this is something you had dreamed of doing since you got the job, as it would be a great opportunity to progress within the company. Making your way up to the top with nothing but your own hard work was motivation enough.

You thought back to the times when life was extremely hard. Living paycheck to paycheck, having to switch apartments regularly because the cost of living was beginning to be too much for you to handle. You remembered how your mother would always tell you, keep your head hung high, hard work pays off. You never wanted to admit it, but she was right. Hard work certainly was paying off.

You take a look at the picture frame on your cubicle desk where your mother was placing a soft kiss on your forehead, as you look embarrassingly at the camera. She would've been so proud of how far and hard you've worked to make it this far into your career.

Caller ID – Band

Your eyes fall down onto your phone, seeing the caller ID. The group must need help finding parking as, from your cubicle window, you can see how it's already starting to become crowded.

"Hello?" The caller on the other side questions, presumably the manager of the group.

"Hi, do you need help finding parking?" You continue looking out the window to see if you can spot any sort of parking that might be available for the group.

"I'm sorry, but the group will not be able to perform tonight. Jake, one of the members, is currently in the hospital after a fall accident." Hearing this, your heart is already dropping. You were so close to reaching a promotion, which would essentially make you the manager of your department. You know it was selfish of you to even think of your career when someone is currently in the hospital, seriously injured enough to not perform.

"Hello?" The caller from the other side questions after a long pause.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I hope Jake gets better. Please send my regards to them. As for the show, please do not worry. Thank you for your time." The manager and you exchange goodbyes over the phone. You hear the sound of the phone hanging up, slowly pulling it away from your ear, you know you're fucked.

You hear a tap on your cubicle walls, glancing over you see your boss with a small frown adoring his face. "I heard what happened."

You let out a much-needed sigh, "Yeah, one of the members had an accident and is currently in the hospital."

Your boss scans over your face for any signs of what he might presume as failure. He glances at the wall clock, before back at you, "You still have time to find a replacement before the event starts." Your boss walks away, leaving you even more anxious than before.

Disappointed with the amount of time and effort you placed into finding this band, you begin your search once again. You power up your desktop computer, typing in your password, you are met with your organized desktop home screen. You click on a folder listed as Singers for Events. You start your rampage of calling and messaging contacts to find anyone available this last minute. Contact after contact, everyone was either not answering or wasn't available this last minute.

After a whole twenty minutes of this process, you ended up on the last contact in the entire folder. Dialing in the number, you await anxiously for the caller to pick up.

Come on, Come on

"Hello?" The caller finally answers.

"Hello, this is Y/n speaking from the company NYE. There's an event for Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting today in forty minutes. Our band was forced to pull out at the last minute... Could you please consider singing for us tonight?" Knowing this is quite a lot to take in considering it's around 8, you give the caller a second to take everything in.

"I'll do it, I can pull off an acapella." Eyes widening at the answer, you silently cheer to yourself.

"Thank goodness—"

"You just need to go on a date with me after." He interrupts you.

"I'm sorry, what?" You raise an eyebrow at the compromise.

"If I'm going to perform, I want you to go on a date with me afterward." Glancing at the clock, you wavered your options. This event would definitely help your career, but did you really want to degrade yourself like that? Going on a date with a complete stranger? Not to mention, you already had your eyes on someone already.

"Fine, I'll go on a date with you after the event." Cringing at the way you said that out loud, you just hoped none of your coworkers heard you, especially your boss.

"Great! I'll see you in 15 minutes, babe." Ending the call, you fight the urge to just roll your eyes at this annoying man that better pull off the best acapella of his life.

Now having the event all settled for, you rush to the bathroom to touch up your makeup. Stepping into the bathroom, you overhear your coworkers talking. "Why did the boss let Y/n do this event? I heard the band had to bail out last minute."

The familiar voice of your coworker, Cecilia's obnoxious laugh, echoed throughout the bathroom, "Right! I heard she's sleeping with the boss, have you seen how they interact?"

Hearing the annoying conversation between your coworkers about you, you decide it's best to leave. Confrontation really was not your thing. It'd be stupid to get into a cat fight the day of this big event.

You promised yourself that once you got home you'd give yourself a nice long bubble bath complimented with your favorite wine and bath bomb.

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　

With a small plate of a potato appetizer, you anxiously wait for the mysterious singer to show up. Taking the time to scroll through your socials, you stumble upon your best friends' posts.

'I love you more and more each day ♥'

Feeling a stinging pang in your heart as you continue to slide through the photos of your best friend and his girlfriend. As much as you didn't want to admit it, you felt hurt. Not by the fact that he's dating someone, but how he doesn't talk to you like he used to. The late night hangouts turned into ten minute calls if you were lucky enough.

You felt like you were slowly losing your best friend. The more you scrolled, you felt the tears slowly welling up in your eyes.

Fuck, why am I like this? You thought to yourself.

Glancing at the time, you realized that the event was set to start in exactly five minutes. Walking over to the center where all the skating equipment is kept, you dial up the number of the singer. Realizing you'd never gotten his name, you curse yourself for the minor mistake.

"Hey, babe. Miss me already?" Rolling your eyes at the pet name, you bark back,

"Stop calling me that. The event starts in five minutes, where are you?"

"Cool, ya tits, I'm at the front entrance."

"Okay, I'll meet you over there." Hanging up the phone, you rush over to the entrance of the center. Looking around, your eyes land upon a nicely dressed man. His hair tamed just enough to frame his gorgeous face, with silver jewelry adorning his body.

"Hey, are you the singer?" Getting up closer now, you could see how he easily towered over you. Gazing at your face for a few seconds, a smile formed on his face.

"Yes, I'm Jeon Jungkook." He held his hand out, offering his friendliness.

"I'm Y/n L/n. Pleasure meeting you, Jeon Jungkook." Accepting his handshake, complemented with a smile.

"What's with the formalities now, babe?"

"I'm professional, that's why. Now shall we?" He simply nods with a small grin on his face, following you as you lead the way.

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　

Stepping onto the first stair leading up to the small stage, you started to feel the real pressure. You don't know whether it was because of your boss staring you down or the fact that there was a large crowd of people waiting.

Tightly gripping onto the dark metallic microphone, you take another step, reaching the top of the stage. Taking a deep breath; calming down your nerves, you began.

"Welcome, everyone, to the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting! I can't tell you how excited I am to be here with all of you tonight. This is such a special time of year, and I know we all have so much to be thankful for," Taking a pause, gazing over the crowd for a second, your eyes meet with your best friend standing wrapped up in the arms of his girlfriend.

Although you did briefly mention to him that you were organizing this event, you never expected him to show up considering how your relationship has been lately. His soft smile he gave you sent a warm feeling rushing down in your chest. "This year's tree is truly a sight to behold. It's a towering symbol of joy and hope, and it just radiates warmth and happiness. As we gather around it, I can't help but feel a sense of community and togetherness. On behalf of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting Committee, I want to thank all of you for joining us tonight. I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year."

"Without further ado, I invite you to join me in welcoming Jeon Jungkook to the stage! Jungkook is an incredible performer, and I know he will bring so much joy to this evening with his beautiful voice and talented music. So let's give him a warm welcome and get ready to be charmed by their incredible performance."

Clapping as you stepped off-stage to give Jungkook his space. He took the microphone from your hand, letting his touch linger for far too long. The crowd seemed to be in awe of his beauty, as they swooned when he flashed a smile. Frankly you were too, he is a very attractive man aside from the pet names he seemed to give you on just the first conversation. Clearing his voice, he began.

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart

But the very next day you gave it away"

The memories from last Christmas came rushing back. You'd spent your past Christmas breaks with your best friend almost every Christmas, but this year wouldn't be the same. You felt like an idiot, you did want your best friend to be happy, but the thought of not being able to spend time with him like you used to made you realize how dependent you were on him.

"This year, to save me from tears

I'll give it to someone special"

Last Christmas, there was a blizzard, and you were both cooped up inside, with nothing but messily scattered candles on top of the coffee table. As you look to your left, you see a beautiful tree, surrounded by twinkling lights. The air is filled with the scent of cinnamon and vanilla, as well as the sounds of Christmas carols playing in the background. You can't help but smile as you took it all in.

You were both bundled up on the couch, watching the newest Christmas movie. And yet, despite the simplicity of your surroundings, it was one of the most memorable Christmases. You laughed, as you both discussed every detail of the movie, and you both just enjoyed each other's company.

Feeling a hand gently rub your face, you're snapped out of your thoughts. "Was my singing that great?" Jungkook lightly jokes, grinning as he does.

You didn't realize you were crying, thinking about all your memories you had with your best friend. "Oh, shut up." You swat his hand away, before rubbing the rest of your tears away.

"Ouch babe." Still grinning at you as he tended to his slightly red hand. "So, what did you think?"

"It was a beautiful performance. Seems like everyone really enjoyed it." You offer a smile, seeing as it looks like you hit him a little too hard.

"I'm glad you liked it." Taking a pause as he looked you over carefully, "You want a hug? You look like you need it." Simply nodding your head as the tears began to flow back into your eyes. Entering his embrace felt like never ending warmth.

Gently rubbing your back as he hummed a foreign song to you. You didn't understand why he was treating you this way, but it felt nice to just have a hug from someone.

Jungkook didn't ask why you were crying, even though he was screaming internally yearning for the reason. The light sobs emanating from you were muffled by his chest. The once perfectly ironed dress shirt was now damp with your wet tears. Funny how you're practically wrapped up in the arms of a stranger, crying your eyes out. He offered you nothing but his support in silence.

Standing in this same position for nearly five minutes, you had failed to realize that your best friend was walking towards you. "Y/n?" His voice pierced through your ears like thunder.

Slightly pulling apart from the embrace to wipe your tears, you look up at Jungkook before completely pulling apart. Facing your best friend, you offer the best smile you could. "Oh, hi Matthew." Matthew looked at you for a while, glancing between you and Jungkook.

"Hi, who's he?" A small frown adored the face of Matthew. For the past few days, Matthew hasn't really heard from you. Rather, it's quite rare to hear from you nowadays. You no longer talked to him about how things were at work, how your coworkers treated you, or the simple things like what you plan to do on the weekends. He felt like your friendship was slowly drifting away, and seeing you here standing with this man wasn't helping.

You look up at Jungkook, not sure how to respond to the question. It wasn't like you were already friends, but the situation was already awkward enough. Looking back at Matthew, his dark brown eyes pierced through you, sending shivers down your spine.

"Ah, this is Jungkook, my friend." You take the chance to glance at Matthew's girlfriend, Remy. Her arm was laced with Matthew's as she gave you a smile, a smile you knew was all too fake.

"Oh, I came to congratulate you. You did a very good job on your speech." Loosening up the tension he had in his shoulders when he first arrived, he smiled.

"Thank you, I tried my best." You smiled back, trying to ignore the burning glare Remy was giving you. "Do you want to get a drink?" Still trying to ease off the awkwardness.

"I don't mind, what about you babe?" Matthew gazed at his girlfriend, awaiting her answer.

"Sure, it would be nice to get to know Y/n and her friend more." Her all too cheerful voice gave anyway her true intentions that Matthew seemed to be oblivious to.

"Jungkook, do you want to get a drink?" Slouching his arm around you, slightly leaning against you, he grins mischievously.

"Anywhere you're going, I'm going, babe."

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿

Ordering your drinks before taking a seat at a table large enough for you all. With Matthew and Remy sitting across from you and Jungkook, the tension was suddenly back. You tried not to look up at Matthew looking intently at you, probably wondering why he's never heard of your friend.

"So, Y/n how have things been? I feel like I haven't heard from you in a while." Matthew lets out a small chuckle to cover up the bitter taste he was feeling.

"Oh, you know, it's been good. I've just been really busy these past days with the event." Taking a sip of your wine, you loathe the way it tingles your throat going down.

"How do you two know each other?" A question Matthew had been wondering since meeting this friend of yours, came out rather bluntly than intended.

"We met at a coffee shop." Jungkook slyly buds in, stealing a glance at you before smirking back at Matthew. Matthew's eyes shifted between you and Jungkook, the way he looked at you two made it seem like he knew something more was going on.

Matthew hums in response, taking another sip of his drink. Rather than daunting it in front of everyone, he made a note to himself to ask you in a more private space.

"You two got any plans for the weekend?" Remy decides to chip into the conversation. It was clear she didn't like you at all or cared about what you had planned for the weekend, regardless of how you responded.

"Not really." You think about it for a second, but there's nothing you really want to do at the moment except relax.

"Did you already forget about our date, baby?" Jungkook's voice was somehow lower than before. His head resting slightly in the palm of his propped up hand. His gaze never leaving your face, the same ridiculous smirk on his face.

"Date?" You give him a questioning look.

"Don't tell me you already forgot?"

"I thought you said you guys were just friends?" Matthew interrupts whilst glaring at Jungkook. All you could do was awkwardly glance between Matthew and Jungkook.

"Yes, he's just talking about hanging out to celebrate today." You nudge Jungkook under the table as a sign not to try something like that again. Matthew simply nods his head with no other words.

"I'm sure you wouldn't mind me and Matthew tagging along with you, to celebrate." Remy suggested. You were taken aback by Remy's suggestion, as the girl doesn't like you or makes any attempts to get closer to you. All she sees you as is her boyfriends 'needy' best friend that needs to go soon.

"Sure, if you're not busy." No, you're not sure, but this is your best friend's girlfriend and the last thing you want to do is make him think you hate her...which isn't far from the truth.

"Cool, send us the details, we have to get going." Matthew and Remy bid their goodbyes, and it's just you and Jungkook left.

"So, you like him?" Jungkook asks once he's out of earshot.

"What?! No, of course not! What would make you think that?" You blabber out. Jungkook doesn't say anything, he just gazes over your features, taking in on the slight panic you have set on your face.

"Why are you so nervous then?" He grabs his drink, bringing it up to his lips.

"What do you mean? I'm not nervous."

"Y/n baby, I can see it written all over your face. It's pretty obvious you're jealous." Jungkook chuckles as he replays the previous events. "It's a natural thing, but over a guy like Matthew? You have to do better."

"I'm not jealous or nervous. Why am I even explaining this to you? Let's just go on our date and never speak again, okay?"

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿

As you reach your apartment, you kick off your shoes at the front entrance. You drop your things done onto the couch, walking over to the kitchen to give your puppy, Milo, food.

"Ah, Milo, it's been a long day today." You exclaim as you pour the fresh pebbles into Milo's dog bowl. Milo patiently waits for you to tell her to eat.

"You can eat now, Milo." You brush her fur over as she takes the first few bites of her food. You walk over to the bathroom to wash away the sorrows of today.

Standing underneath the shower, you finally let it all out, from the rumors about you and your boss to the situation with your best friend. Time and time again, you feel hopeless in every situation you're in. You have no idea how to handle any of it, it's not like there are guides or manuals to help through this.

As you step out of the shower, you feel slightly better, the hot water having washed away the physical and emotional tension. You look at yourself in the mirror, your wet skin glistening in the light. You know that you need to take care of yourself. You promise yourself that you will do better, that you will take control of your life, one step at a time. You take a deep breath and head to the bedroom, ready for a long and restful night of sleep.

You slip into your pajamas and walk into your bedroom, collapsing onto your bed with a heavy sigh. You look around the room, taking in the cozy atmosphere. Despite everything, you feel a sense of comfort knowing that you have a safe place to retreat to.

You feel much better after letting it all out. You're finally ready for bed, as you're about to close your eyes, you hear a ring coming from your bedside table. Looking at the phone, you see,

Caller ID – Partner in crime

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿

Word Count: 3.5k 

Authors Note: Heyyy y'all this is my first time actually posting any sort of writing online. I'm doing this just for fun. If anyone is reading this please leave comments to lemme know what you think good or bad! I want to improve on my writing skills. It definitely helps with feedback. Please vote so I know that there are people reading this to continue it. Thank you!

[prismatoxic]

rereading the story of that time in skyrim's development where the opening couldn't play bc the cart was being sent into the stratosphere by a single bee and remembering i experienced something marginally similar while modding the game

it's been a few years... but for some ungodly reason, i was going through the cart intro again instead of just loading into unbound (an alternate start mod). i guess i wanted to do the real intro again but didn't have an autosave after the ride ends? don't remember.

so, anyway, i was doing the cart ride, and about halfway into it, the game crashed to desktop. now this isn't terribly unusual for skyrim, and i was willing to move past it if it didn't happen again, but it did. and again, and again, and again...

so obviously i started futzing with my mods. i mean, clearly, that was the issue. i don't remember if i had 200 at the time but if i didn't, i still had a number well above 100. that's a lot to go through, and neither vortex nor LOOT indicated any issues, and SKSE wasn't showing me anything of use either. so what the fuck?

(fwiw, modding skyrim does involve multiple programs, but as the game was made with modding in mind, it's way easier than the majority of games that came out around the same time, let alone earlier.)

i think around this time i tried to load into unbound again, but the game crashed immediately when trying to do so. i had to find this issue if i wanted to play skyrim with my current mod loadout.

so i had a few options:

split my mods into batches and test each one until the crash occurred, then narrow it down until i knew the culprit

learn how to actually understand SKSE a little better and find the problem through it

load the game with NO mods and try to pinpoint what the issue could be to narrow it down immediately

believe it or not, i did all 3.

i started with the first, but iirc i only split my mods in half, and the way vortex works and the way things are divided made it a bit hard to do even that in a non-time consuming way. you can split up your mods but you also have to make sure each half has all relevant dependencies, you see, or the game's going to crash anyway. so i narrowed it down to half of my mods (the other half ran fine), and went from there.

this is where the last option comes in. frustrated, i loaded into the vanilla game, taking note of the setting right about where the crash always happened. i noticed that just when it tended to occur, a rabbit ran across the road. was that it? was that my culprit? i combed through the borked half of my mods, and sure enough, rabbit mod. except it was just a mesh restructuring that a different mod i actually cared about was dependent on. but hey, mods are weird, so i disabled it and ran the game.

nope. still crashed. not the rabbit.

now, i'd been hunting through reddit and the skyrim modding discord and nexus threads the entire time i was going through this ordeal. NO ONE was having the same issue i was. but there are a lot of troubleshooting tips out there for skyrim fuckery, and when several other steps had already failed, i turned to one i'd never tried before: coc riverwood.

"coc" means center on cell, and it's a console command to teleport you instantly to any cell in the game. notably, you can activate it without loading into a save. (i'm sure plenty of other commands can also do this, but i don't mess with the console much).

so riverwood is usually the location people use to check and see if the game is running well otherwise when the intro is bugging out. now, i'd been messing with this CTD issue for hours. i was convinced my game was just irreparably borked, somehow; maybe my computer simply couldn't handle the mod load. but i did try coc riverwood anyway, inputting it at the start menu, which either loads you into a default character or a character from one of your saves, i don't remember which.

and... the game ran fine. VERY fine. better than i was expecting. i wandered around riverwood, interacted with things, and saw no issues at all. so what the fuck? clearly, the crash wasn't a skyrim-wide issue, it was an issue with the cart ride.

and where is the cart ride going? helgen, of course.

so, on a hunch, i backtracked along the path i'd walked a dozen times with other characters, out of riverwood and towards the caves you use to escape helgen. i think i was just barely in view of the start of the reverse of that path when the game crashed.

so, problem (sort of) located: the helgen cell. (which would explain why unbound also didn't work: it loads you in on top of a tower in helgen when you're selecting your file options.)

so here's where that middle option came in. removing mods i knew for sure affected helgen didn't fix the issue, and i didn't even have that many of those, because why would i? helgen is destroyed and there's not a ton of reasons to go back to it outside of morbid curiosity, which i'd done enough times in other saves. that meant whatever file was the problem did not openly or obviously affect helgen, which in turn meant i would need to comb through the half of my mods that crashed the game in SKSE to figure out what was doing it.

this was at least easier than going into SKSE blind; i knew what i needed to look for. so i started looking. by loading all of those mods into the program and then looking specifically for effects or changes to the helgen cell, i could figure out what the issue was.

SKSE is color coded; i don't have it on my current desktop so i can't open it to look right now, but i know for sure that scripts causing no issues at all are green, and scripts causing issues are red. (there are also yellow/orange and grey ones, i think, but i don't remember what those mean.) usually red scripts mean conflicts, which can range from "negligible gameplay impairment" to "crash to desktop when the scripts meet for any reason", because modding is cool and fun.

so i think what i did was keyword search "helgen", and the results i got were largely just confusing for me, because i cannot wrap my mind around how SKSE works. but there was a very clear conflict in there. i just wasn't sure what it meant, or if it was actually my issue.

the script in question was from a mod that i cannot actually recall, but what i DO remember is that it was a mesh/texture optimization mod of some kind. like, the sort you install to make your game run better. it wasn't one of the big ones, i was just overcompensating for my poor old windows 7 desktop that had long since become obsolete for modern gaming, so i had a lot of them.

the specific script i was getting a conflict error on was some texture or mesh in helgen, likely an insignificant one based on what i remember... so i was unsure if it was the issue, but aware that it 100% could be.

and it was.

disabling the associated mod allowed me to enter and exit helgen as normal, with no crashes. i'm reasonably sure i did post about this issue in that mod's comments, or on r/skyrimmods, or... something. can't remember. i was also liveblogging it on twitter but no part of me wants to try and find that again (if it was even on my currently existing twitter and not the old suspended one)

i'm not sure if the mod itself was the issue or if my download of it had gotten corrupted in some way, but i never did try to use it again, so who knows.

skyrim modding is super fun when it works! and when it doesn't work, maybe take breaks while going through the arduous process of troubleshooting your obscure issue

[stream-academy]

"My stream looks bad."

This is a pretty common issue that creators face and it all stems from one common misconception: 1080p doesn't mean quality.

The above video is in fact 1080p, but as you can see there's definitely something wrong about it. Here's that exact same freezeframe but at 480p:

So what's happening here? Bitrates.

A Crash Course Through Video Compression

Computer video has historically been a really hard problem to solve. Computers used to be slow (Like, really slow). Computer scientists (read: nerds) figured out that the human eye is bad and have developed techniques that abuse this fact.

Dithering tricks your eye into "seeing" more colors than are actually present. Here's a monotone (two colors!) that appears to also have shades of grey even though there aren't any:

Pretty cool, eh? By using clever placement of the black dots an entire range of grays emerge even though there aren't any.

You can even throw out little bits of detail to save space and the eye will be none the wiser. These are the core principles behind video compression.

Why do we even need to compress video anyways?

The short answer: internet speeds still aren't fast enough. The long answer: distribution costs.

If you are a video site, such as Twitch or YouTube, it is in your best interests to save as much money as possible for every live stream. So, every platform places limits on bitrate.

Okay, get to the point already. What is bitrate and how do I get my stream to look good?

Video compression usually has two modes: constant bitrate (CBR), and variable bitrate (VBR).

For regular video recordings it's usually recommended you use variable bitrate (note that CRF/CQ is a form of variable bitrate). This allows you to save space where you can but increase usage where it's necessary to help maintain visual quality.

But for live-streaming you use constant bitrate (the reason is due to how networks actually operate and how celluar/mobile networks handle streaming. It's complicated). With CBR, you tell the encoder that you want the result to always be at X bits per second regardless of the resulting quality (good or bad). So that means that during moments of low movement (in game, in an IRL setting, or even on your desktop) the encoder doesn't have to work nearly as hard to fit the current frame into the allotted rate. During high movement moments the encoder has to work extra hard to find those visual shortcuts — such as dithering, detail removal, or macroblocks (shudders) — to keep everything within bounds.

Obviously, removing detail will hurt the quality of an image. And doing that repeatedly will result in that reduced image quality you saw in the first 1080p screenshot. For that screenshot, I encoded the video at 500kbps, which is obviously way too low (I did that for for clickbait). For the 480p screenshot I encoded it using a VBR technique called Constant Quality. The size difference between those two files paints a better picture: the 480p version is 12x larger than the 1080p version despite 1080p having 8x as many pixels as 480p.

Alright, so what do you recommend I use?

Well factors like resolution, framerate, your internet, and your computer's hardware all play a role in determining what's best for you.

Here's a table bitrates for resolution and framerate.

Just note that your internet upload speed needs to be large enough for that bitrate AND whatever else you may use the internet for at the same time.

And that's it! Your stream should look loads better! And that's it for this installment of Stream Academy. Feel free to ask us questions about streaming or for help with any problems you've been having along the way. If you're looking for widgets and alerts for your live-stream journey, then you should look into using Casterlabs (that's us! 😁)

Image Sources

Throneful (2021, January 8th). "Apex Legends (2021) - Gameplay (PC UHD) [4K60FPS]" [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPtoIy-oPWQ

Renderedartwork (2012, December 21st). "Michelangelo's David dithered using the Void-and-Cluster technique." [Image]. Wikimedia Foundation. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Michelangelo%27s_David_-_Void-and-Cluster.png

[mav-the-artist]

EXCITING NEWS!!!!!! (IMPORTANT PLEASE READ)

Hey everyone! Sorry for not posting art for a bit.

Last Monday (Jan 30th) I finally purchased A GAMING DESKTOP!!!

Now I can draw better, ACTUALLY animate with an animation program (once I find a good one to use), get back into pc gaming, and STREAM (eventually)

ALL this time I was drawing and animating with this hunk of crap:

This is a TOSHIBA Satellite 17 inch Windows 7 Laptop.

Windows 7.

That I've been using since 2012.

As a whole, this computer is an absolute piece of shit.

It's on life support (plugged in charger when running at all times). It cannot multitask. You can't even play music in the background while drawing. AND I couldn't even use discord. Any program idling in the background would slow it down and heat it up. Video card would crash when watching youtube. Flash games would load 1 frame every 3 seconds. That is not an exaggeration. I'm lucky that my Wacom tablet worked on it, but that probably was gonna go next. There's a lot more wrong with this laptop, but you get the gist.

NOW:

I've been doing really REALLY well lately in my life (you can read this post for context). And I've been eagerly wanting to upgrade. So my tax refund came in a couple weeks ago and I had found a desktop that was within my budget.

This...is my new rig:

(these are just still photos; the tower, mouse and keyboard are actually cycling through all colors of the rainbow)

This is an iBUYPOWER Trace MR258i . Now don't be fooled like I was with the company's Aliexpress-sounding name, lol; this is a reputable gaming pc company. I picked it up for $1080, including tax (it includes the mouse and keyboard, not the monitor). Originally it retails at $1500 before taxes, but it was on sale for $1000. Now this is definitely not a high-end rig, but it is a fucking amazing computer nonetheless.

Under the hood:

Mobo: ASRock B550M-c microATX form factor Video card: Gigabyte Nvidia Geforce RTX 3060 12GB Drive: 1TB Western Digital NvMe M.2 SSD (Solid State Drive) RAM: 16GB (2x8GB sticks) DDR4 3000 Power supply: 650 watt CPU: AMD Ryzen 7 5700 3700Mhz

Operating System: Windows 11 Home

One side of the case is made with a tempered glass panel, so I can see all the cool compy parts with RGB; it's lookin like a rave in there :D

When playing GTAV at High settings I get around 160fps.

I'm not terribly picky, plus I'm still learning about pc parts 'n stuff, but this computer is definitely beyond my expectations and can handle everything I throw at it. It's perfect for what I need to use it for.

WHAT THIS MEANS NOW:

I can draw much easier, on larger canvases, and they can get done somewhat faster now that I have a properly working pc. I can also draw better art with backgrounds and all that.

I PLAN ON ANIMATING WITH A LEGITIMATE ANIMATION PROGRAM. MAYBE EVEN AN ACTUAL MADCOM FAN EPISODE.

STREAMING (SOON)

GAMING (of course)

I've never seen my art program run so smooth. My drawing tablet works with the new PC, and lines are really fucking smooth and there's zero lag nor jittering.

The past week since I've gotten it, I've had to transfer all my stuff from my old laptop to this new one, setting the new pc up, downloading games, etc etc. AKA I've been busy af the past week, not including my retail job that's been kicking my ass.

I just wanted to make this post so you all can be updated on what the hiatus was all about.

ANYWAY I'M SO FUCKING HYPED Y'ALL LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO-

[airaweeklyblog]

Blog #1

Who Am I?

My name is Aira Therens, and for the last 8 months I’ve been attending SAIT for the Information Technology Services program.

Since I was a young boy, I had a fascination with computers and how the components inside of computers worked. This fascination only grew as time passed. I discovered new outlets to facilitate my interests. I started building my own computers at around the age of 13, which is when I really started to get into the PC building space. I watched lots of videos by Linus Tech Tips and others, played around with my own computer, taking it apart and trying to put it back together again. This is how I learned what I know now about computers, just trial and error, making sure that I remembered where each component is supposed to go, what each component is designed to do, the role each component has in a system. I learned very much from my first cheap little desktop computer.

As time passed, I wanted to expand my horizons, and I’d been watching people on YouTube buy and sell computers for cheap on a website called Kijiji, so I figured I might try to buy some new parts to play with and put together, and maybe even sell them in a complete package once I finished a build. I did this for a while, and I got pretty good at it too. I had a sort of little business going on where I would buy parts individually, and then combine them into a full system which I could sell again for a slight increase in price. This not only taught me even more about building computers through seeing all different kinds of components and configurations and unique situations, but it also gave me some financial profit just as a side effect of my curiosity.

By Christmas time of 2020, I had saved up enough money from doing this, to buy myself a brand-new full system from memory express, with premium components and the newest hardware available. Not only did I buy the system, but I bought it in individual components, so I didn’t just get to have the computer to play around on, but I also had the privilege of handling such expensive components and building it myself.

I believe this is why I decided to enter this program. There are a lot of different paths I could have possibly taken that also involve computers and such, but the Information Technology Services program just seemed like the natural next step for me in my journey.

Over the years I’ve developed some insight into what hardware and software are best for users, because I’ve had to cater to potential buyers’ interests, which are usually people looking not to have any hassle, they just want the working computer. I believe my strengths lie in my computer hardware ability, but I suppose where I am lacking more is on the software side of things. By this I mean software utilized to optimize the performance of the hardware. This is an area which I would like to develop further for myself. Similarly, learning more about networking and how Wi-Fi works is something I would like to learn more about as well, because bad Wi-Fi has always for some reason been a pain point of mine in my life. I have a good computer and everything, but not good enough internet connection to enjoy actually enjoy my time on my good computer.

Emerging technologies play a key role in what I have been interested in with building computers and such, because once a new generation of graphics cards is released for example, it changes the dynamic of the pricing scheme for the older cards, however capable they may still be, because they are older they naturally are lowered in value, which is important to someone like me because now I can use that to my advantage and still make a powerful machine, but for an even cheaper price.

I would define emerging technologies as the new wave of technology which changes the tide of the way things currently are. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing, it just means that for someone like me, it is important to keep an eye on things, know when the tide might shift, and be prepared to adjust myself accordingly. Emerging technologies pave the way forward for more advanced technologies. New developments that come out, can lead to even newer developments, and over time these new ideas compound, and we are left with something nobody could have ever imagined possible, so I do think that emerging technologies are very significant and should not be ridiculed so hastily, because who knows what those seemingly crazy ideas could lead to.

[nickgerlich]

I'm The Taxman

The Apple Tax has proven to be one of the most lucrative propositions ever for Apple, specifically when it applies to in-app purchases made from our phones. While the EU is starting to attack them, they still have complete freedom in the US to levy this tax with ruthless cunning.

Here’s how it works: Every time you buy something on your iPhone, whether it is a game, an upgrade to a premium service, whatever, 30% of that price goes to Apple for the privilege granted to the app provider to exist in the Apple eco-system.

And I was today years old when I learned that when a business or even an individual opts to boost a post on Facebook or Instagram such that it becomes sponsored content, that too has the Apple Tax applied. Parent company Meta thus loses 30% of those sales (even though the company isn’t exactly hurting these days).

But now comes news that Meta is going to offload that burden to the buyers, rather than absorb it. In other words, if I or anyone else wants to boost a post or account, if the price is $100, then I will be charged $130 to cover the part going to Apple. Apple is assessing the fee at the cash till.

Meta, in its quest to appear less bad, has encouraged everyone to simply pay for boosting on a desktop computer instead of by phone, thereby dodging Apple. That will work. In fact, it would be pretty easy to do this in Facebook. On Instagram, though, I know there are a lot of users who do not even know you can access your account on a computer, because the platform was designed originally to be mobile-only.

So now we’re left trying to figure out who the bad company really is. Is it Meta for making its customers pay the fee? Or is it Apple for maintaining this fee structure in the first place?

I know. It’s kind of like asking if Ticketmaster is evil for handling concert ticket sales, and then passing along outrageous service fees for the privilege. We all know how a $100 ticket can wind up being more than $150 after all is said and done. If you want to see a super headliner like The Eagles, prepare to drop some major money, especially if you are taking a date.

My hunch is that, even with Meta’s encouragement to boost your posts via a computer, this is going to hurt them in the long run, and then Apple subsequently. This news makes us all aware of what is going on, because before all this, we just didn’t know. It’s not just paying $6 a month for personal MapMyRun MVP premium features, and maybe knowing that Apple takes a slice. Now we all know that those social media boosts have been a revenue stream not just for Meta, but also Apple.

Maybe we’ll all just stop the madness.

Although I doubt everyone will quit, I think the effective 30% increase in costs for the advertiser will cause many to reconsider. Small businesses and individuals, such as artists and musicians, will be affected most. Larger companies may just consider it the price of doing marketing.

Apple has had many long-running battles with some of its biggest app developers over the tax. It hindered Spotify’s ability to fully launch its audible books initiative, because it meant that Apple would get a huge chunk of every audio book a user purchased. Apparently Meta has just been sucking it up, even though it too has engaged in battle.

Now that the EU is clamping down on Apple, from power cords to revenue sharing, I suspect the time will come soon here in the States when our own regulators put their foot down as well. I realize that the business culture is very different here in the US than in Europe, and that we are far more laissez faire, it will depend on who is in office in Washington. Recall that President Biden is already trying to put his foot down on hidden charges we consumers endure, like overdraft and late payment fees. It wouldn’t be much of a stretch to follow the EU’s lead on Apple as well.

But is Apple being evil? After all, it is their platform. It’s just that they have a tight monopoly when it comes to apps. Yes, their testing and scrutiny give us a high degree of consumer safety, but they are a toll booth at the same time. And the toll to get across the bridge is just as steep as the bridge itself to get in the App Store.

In the end, our court system will have to resolve this one. But for now, those entities and individuals least able to spend large sums on marketing are going to feel the brunt of Meta’s latest action.

Dr “One For You, Nineteen For Me” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[zody77-blog]

iMac 2023 Price, Release date, Specs

What's 7 upgrades want to see on the rumored iMac 2023 The upcoming WWDC 2023 conference will serve as the premiere event for the new iMac 2023. I sincerely hope that Apple has taken advantage of the two years after the debut of the last-standing iMac to get its act together if those reports are accurate.

iMac 2023 Specs

Although I am aware that AIO computers are designed to be minimalist, there is no justification for the way Apple pushed that concept a step further with its ports. There were just two Thunderbolt 3 ports available on the iMac 24-inch (2021) basic model. Two. And while if Apple did provide the midrange and high-end versions two USB-C ports, it still isn't enough, particularly for customers who want to use it for business or content production. Theoretically, it makes sense, especially given that the Magic Keyboard and Magic Mouse can both wirelessly connect to it. Nevertheless, despite all of its efforts, Apple was unable to make Thunderbolt 3 a reality in the real world. not yet, at least. It did this to restore the SD card reader and HDMI connector on its Pro laptops, and it still has to do it for the desktop PC it has been promoting to both experts and regular consumers. A minimum of two of them should be placed at the front or on the side, in my opinion. I can see why Apple hid the connectors in the rear and out of sight; after all, appearance is everything. But getting to them is so annoying. Apple should make two of them readily available so that users won't have to lean over and fumble about if they only want to quickly attach a peripheral or another device.

Better ergonomics

I can ignore the lack of ports, especially when the best USB hubs are available to solve the problem. The iMac 24-inch (2021)'s lack of articulations and adjustments is what annoys me the most. There is a slight up-and-down tilt to the display, but that is about all. You can only change the height by purchasing a monitor mount, or if you're poor, stack some textbooks under it. Additionally, if you want to swivel, you have to spin the entire darn computer. Even while the latter is intentional, it's still unpleasant, especially if you have borderline obsessive-compulsive disorder as I do. I cannot emphasize this enough: if Apple wants customers to continue purchasing their devices, it must try to reduce work-related through improving the ergonomics of its goods. I want at the very least suitable height adjustments built-in if the iMac 2023 is truly coming.

iMac 2023 Performance 

The iMac 24-inch (2021) isn't particularly powerful unless you spend a lot of money on the top-tier model or increase the RAM to 16GB, despite Apple's claims that it can do studio work, content production, and other demanding tasks. I purchased the mid-range model with the 8-Core CPU, 8-Core GPU, and 8GB memory, and it struggled to handle my standard photo editing tasks in Lightroom, which involve editing 10-15 high-resolution RAW images and exporting them as high-resolution JPEGs, to the point where I pestered Apple's customer service about it within a month of purchase. It becomes much worse when I work on the same amount of editing while watching a show online. It appears as though you had options if you wanted to use this for heavier workloads must spend a little more money and upgrade to a 16GB RAM or just get the most expensive configuration, which costs close to $2,000/£2,000 - not exactly budget-friendly. I would love to see Apple genuinely deliver on its promises for the upcoming iMac without pressuring users to upgrade. Given that we are already paying a lot for it, provide us faster performance at cheaper setups.

iMac 2023 Price

Alternately, make it more easily available. The starting price of the 2021 model is $1,299/£1,249/AU$1,899, which is for wealthy people. In current economy, paying that much for a kit that isn't very powerful isn't exactly ideal. My mid-range model cost me $1,499, but I didn't feel like I was receiving the performance I was paying for. Right now, people prioritize obtaining the greatest deal possible over purchasing the newest and prettiest gadget. Make sure we're receiving a lot of value for our money if Apple isn't going to provide us faster lower configurations. Why not make it under $1,000/£1,000 as Lenovo and Dell did instead of charging more than that?

iMac 2023 Face ID

The iMac 24-inch (2021) comes with the Touch ID Magic Keyboard in both the mid-range and high-end models, however that is another thing that irks me since the dang thing only functioned half the time. It won't work if your finger is even a little bit moist. It's the least dependable fingerprint reader I've ever used, but that is a completely different discussion altogether. Face ID is what I most want to see on the next iMac. It appears that many of the less expensive Windows laptops are outperforming Apple when it comes to facial recognition login, which is not good. It feels almost atrocious that not even Apple's Pro-level MacBooks have it. If Apple wishes to continue It must stop playing games and get its act together by integrating Face ID into its Mac line, including the next iMac, in order to keep up with its competitors.

iMac 2023 Mouse charge

Even now, I'm not sure what Apple was considering when it released the Magic Mouse. To be clear, it's a terrific mouse, but it has a stupidly significant defect that for some odd reason, no one at Apple ever vetoed. If you've never used a Magic Mouse, I'm referring to the charging port on the bottom of the device, which effectively makes the mouse unusable when charging. It's difficult for me to imagine that no one ever suggested moving the charging port during the whole process of making this mouse, from designing it to doing quality control. Let's correct it. I wish Apple would update the Magic Keyboard and Siri and the Magic Mouse, particularly since they have yet to receive one. But more precisely, I want it to change where the connector is located and improve the accuracy of the Touch ID reader on the keyboard.

iMac 2023 Display

Really, this is simply an added benefit. I am content with my 24-inch iMac monitor, and I say this as someone who usually uses 40-inch panels with their Windows configuration. Even if Apple mostly maintains the AIO's present size, I wouldn't mind having a little more screen space. However, there are rumors that the maker also intends to bring back its bigger 27-inch model. However, I'm sure that many iMac owners would like a bigger display, so Apple should consider meeting their desires. Particularly given that it appears to be eating its competitors' dust in terms of new technology in general. Read the full article

[stardewjournal]

No, I’m not dead. It was just a lot of things happened. I got a temporary job position teaching and I got very busy, and then I had to get a new computer as my old desktop gave up completely -- and, with that, I also wanted to play a few games that my previous machine couldn’t handle. No regrets.  Anyway, back to modding. I’m wrapping up to make the next update with the first bachelor, Sebastian. I also finally finished up Marnie and Jas as sheep-people (working on the horns in the portraits was daunting). This version will also include Sandy as a snake person (too bad you can only see her walking circle one day of the year, I worked so hard). Dollynhoevida suggested a few creatures but I ended up making Willy a kappa and not Linus as they suggested. It makes me think of Animal Crossing’s Kapp’n.

Also, the input from HannaVictoria made me consider having Maru either as a Bastet or a sphinx. Bastet is the "domestic" side of Sekhmet, the lioness goddess of war and love in Egyptian mythology, while the idea of a woman in STEM to be represented by the enigmatic sphynx is also interesting. HannaVictoria also shared a Monster High character who is a cyborg and coded as POC and it looked pretty cool to be honest. I think the cyborg would make better use of Robin's and Demetrius' backgrounds tho (yes, I'm more leaning for the cyborg option. )

Anyway I’m still toying on how making the bachelors. The idea is to have Harvey to be a crow-like creature, so I’m making a prototype that might change -- the result is slightly scary imo. I’m still undecided how to go with the wings. Should they show up or be hidden ? I’m afraid it should be too much like the harpies. I also gave him a different hairdo because it looked bad with the mask. I’m also considering if I should keep Alex’s facial features humanoid or give him the full minotaur treatment.

I was considering changing at least one more NPC before publishing the next version, maybe Mr Qi.... But to what exactly? Although he is weird enough as he is...

Edit: Oh, I found out someone converted Monster Valley for Content Patcher but I don’t think it is updated for the current sprites.

[xenomorphicdna]

Oh tumblr mutual aluminium-angels you are so real to me but I could not disagree more with your opinions, it's like calling an apple an orange.

As an avid iterator on the string propaganda spreader, I must do my duty to now share my own opinions on the internet.

So, with why a puppet really couldn't work much as a brain, iterators aren't just some guy in a fancy cube operating world's most fancy gaming computer. It is fairly difficult to compare our biology to that of a really, really big fictional machine.

Iterators are massive - several kilometres wide. That is a lot of information being processed at once. It all needs instructions on where to go and what to do. You can't fit that in a puppet. You can compare your computer's CPU to the rest of it and it's actually fairly sized. You cannot fit an iterator in a puppet. Now, you could say that all of the General Systems Bus (GSB) could be used as a CPU, and in a way I'm sure it is. But, looking at our current supercomputers, they actually have uhhh several CPUs like several thousands. Yes of course iterator technology is completely impossible to our standards but Im gonna slightly base it off what we already have.

Back to the size, it matters because information takes time to move along to where it's supposed to go, and you can only move so much information at any given time. You don't want to be moving a shit ton of date over a few kilometres, that would be too slow to think effectively. So it's not unlikely to think that iterators would have several areas for processing information. A CPU in the top right corner to handle everything that's running there, and so on for other sections. And then after that, the important things that may need input from other parts would be passed down to the GSB.

In computering a data bus is used to transfer information between components. Slapping the thing you're gonna be asking questions to right in the middle might just sorta allows it to retrieve that information faster.

Our own brain is several parts working together. And not every little detail needs to be a conscious thought for us. We only need the information that is useful.

These machines' entire job is to think. A lot. They would absolutely be designed with a lot of brain parts to think of anything that could solve the great problem.

The puppet in it's pretty box would be like the desktop. Here's the buttons you can click to interact with your machine! Here's something user-friendly for you to understand. If I unplug my monitor from the computer then it still works just fine, I just can't see anything.

Now, idk if I actually got anywhere with that

And you are of course welcome to ignore all of it and believe whatever you want !! These are fictional beings and they can be whatever blorbos you make em to be. That's the fun thing about fiction :>

I still have so many thoughts about iterator puppets, A God with a body the size of a country With thousands and thousands eyes watching represented through nothing but a little doll. Imagine how an iterator would feel. You are impossibly large, it would take years for a regular organism to think what you do in a millisecond. Everything is nothing but a speck in comparison to you. Yet the only physical body you're supposed to attach to is a little clump of fabric and metal, smaller than a millionth of your body, it could never show the thoughts you experience and neither does your parents language. However, it is the only physical vessel your creators left you, a god represented by a toy.

Perhaps it's no surprise that even before the global ascension, the iterators hated their creators.

[tobesobri]

Traditions | 17.3k

a/n: it's been a while since I uploaded writing and for some reason I decided to sign up for this challenge and by some miracle actually managed to write something for it 🤯anyways, this is for the Valentine's Day Challenge by @1dffchallenges and it's honestly just a bit of fun, enemies to lovers little bit of angst and some smut! so i hope you enjoy! I'd always love to know your thoughts!! (also pls excuse any errors, I wrote this in a week with little editing lol)

prompt: doube date

dialogue: “So let me get this right. You want to hire me as your date for a Valentine’s Day Party?”

Pink and red were speckled throughout the entire office, whether it was a bouquet of chocolate roses, a banner of hearts, or stuffed bears residing next to bowls full of heart-shaped candies. Every employee’s section of the office had been filled to the brim with decorations as well. Pink and red ribbon taped carefully around the edges of their desktop computer, little store-bought balloons, also heart-shaped, grouped together and tied to desk chairs. 

And Y/N, dressed in her typical all black outfit, rolled her eyes as she paced through the office toward the one section in the back that was immune to all things heart-shaped, pink, or stuffed. 

She sat down at her desk with a loud sigh, her purse hitting the floor in its usual spot just before she slipped out of her jacket and draped it haphazardly between her back and the chair. It’d be wrinkled by the end of the day, but she didn’t care all that much, nor did she put much thought into the stains on her purse from leaving it on the floor. All she concerned herself with, after settling in, was getting straight to work… which was put on hiatus when she came face-to-face with both a pink and heart-shaped sticky note plastered onto the center of her computer screen. 

Groaning, she ripped it off and moved to turn her computer on before she bothered to read whatever was written on the note. She considered three potential suspects while she pulled her keyboard down onto her desk and logged in. There was Kayla, who worked front reception and was one of the main culprits of all the Valentine’s decorations. A strong contender. It could’ve also been Ines or Carmen, her closest work friends whom Y/N knew both owned a pad of pink, heart-shaped sticky notes. 

However, when she finally let her eyes fall to the note as her computer loaded up, the handwriting didn’t match any of the women she knew, and she was quite positive that none of them would have written was was sprawled out in black ink either.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I will fill your office with teddy bears and balloons, if you don’t send me your half of the proposal by two.

Harry.

She crumpled the note and tossed it into the bin under her desk. He could go fuck himself for all she cared. Sure, she was nearly done with her portion of the work and would be able to send it to him before then, but now that he’d pestered her about it, he’d be lucky if she even bothered to send it to him at all. 

She didn’t doubt the promise, i.e. threat, he made on the note, but being surrounded by teddy bears and balloons would be worth making Harry’s life just a tad miserable.

After opening all the apps she’d need to get her work done, namely Photoshop and Illustrator, she connected her drawing tablet and set up the rest of her work station for the day, both on screen and off.

Harry had worked at the company for about two years longer than her and she’d started off as an intern while she was still in college and, after graduating, was hired as a permanent graphic designer. They had never really gotten along ever since Harry—jokingly—asked her to get him a coffee once… or twice. Unfortunately for her, though, they ended up working well together and their boss had stuck them both on the same projects ever since. Especially after the month-long project last spring that had been their most successful one to date. 

While she came up with the design parts of client projects, Harry handled the more technical side of things and they’d never really argued much over each other’s work even though they clashed constantly at a more personal level. 

“I see your feeling festive.” Just as she’d gotten into the groove of her typical morning and had forgotten all about Harry’s stupid note, his voice interrupted her entire thought process. So when she swiveled around to find him leaning into her little office space, it was hardly a surprise when she glared at him, even though he feigned offense at her bitterness.

“You got my note, I presume.” He let himself into her space anyway, holding a mug of steaming coffee she was sure he’d just made in the workroom, and leaned up against the opposite side of her desk that housed a much larger, digital drawing tablet for when she needed to do more intricate design pieces. 

She just swiveled back around to face her computer again and went back to work as if he was no longer there. Pretending to ignore his existence proved to be quite difficult when the very particular woodsy, vanilla scents of his cologne met her nostrils and filled her entire office. Not to mention, the sight of what he’d been wearing singed the backs of her eyelids so that she still saw him every time she blinked. It was as if her brain refused to let her forget what he looked like in his white button-up, sleeves rolled to the crooks of his elbows, all tucked into his fitted black trousers that tended to get the imaginations going of all the women in the building. 

Not her though, of course. She was better than that. Obviously.

He cleared his throat, still very much present in her space and still very much giving her a migraine. “So will it be ready by two?”

“Well, I planned to send it to you before lunch.” She tweaked the spacing between letters of a potential logo for the millionth time. “But now… I think I might need the rest of the day.”

She heard rustling behind her and knew he was shifting his weight impatiently and running a hand through his hair as he often did when he was… displeased. “I told you I’m leaving early tomorrow and I need it no later than two.”

She cocked her head to the side, still staring at her computer screen and not giving him an ounce of satisfaction. “Did you tell me that?” She teased, an amused smirk lifting the corners of her mouth when she heard him groan behind her. “I must’ve forgotten.” Shrugging, she went back to her work.

“Unlike you,” he snapped, “some of us actually have a love life and I’d appreciate you not fucking up mine.”

She froze then, only for a split second, when his words sank in. Two thoughts raced through her head. The first a string of curse words because of his assumption that she didn’t have a love life. But the more prominent and worrisome part of his statement was that he did have one. And that he was leaving early tomorrow—Valentine’s Day—so he could get ready for a date.

Throwing both her prickly exterior and heartbreaking smirk up again, she turned to face him. “I’ve known you for three years now and if anyone has the potential to fuck up your love life, it’s you.”

He narrowed his eyes at her and her gaze fell to the hand that seemed to wrap a bit tighter around his Bugs Bunny mug. His knuckles whitened and she met his heated stare again, pleased with herself for getting him riled up before he’d even finished his morning coffee.

“So,” she continued before he get get a word of retaliation out, and sat back against her chair, crossing her legs confidently as she folded her hands in her lap. “Who’s the poor girl you’ve tricked into going on a date with you this time?”

Harry had a terrible track record. The longest relationship he’d been in lasted for two months, and that was well before she’d known him. Everything else he had was just a one or two night thing and nothing more. Sure, it was all more than she had, but she preferred it that way. Harry seemed to resent the fact that he couldn’t keep a girlfriend to save his life.

“You don’t know her.”

Her smile widened. “How long have you been seeing her?”

“Couple weeks.”

“Ooh, that just might be your second longest relationship, Styles.” 

“Well at least I’ve had one.”

His jab didn’t have an affect on her however, and he knew it wouldn’t because it never did. He knew she didn’t give a damn about relationships, or at least that’s what she claimed anyway. He couldn’t think of many twenty-four year old women who actually wanted to be alone. He actually couldn’t think of a mid-twenties anyone who wanted that.

“You’ll have to try harder than that.” She said nonchalantly, which irked him even more than he already was, and then swiveled away from him one last time, picking up her drawing pen and getting back to work.

“What’s your issue with relationships?” He went on and she knew he was headed right down a path intended to hurt her feelings just as much as she had his. So, she tensed slightly and braced for impact. “Is it a commitment thing? Or can you just not find anyone to put up with you for longer than five minutes?” 

She let his words sink their teeth in and then smiled to herself. “Hm. Seeing as you’ve been in my office now for,” she checked the time at the top right-hand corner of her screen, “eight minutes, maybe we should date.” She lifted a brow, awaiting his next response. 

It felt a bit like a cat-and-mouse chase bickering with Harry and since she was usually the cat, it brought her way too much pleasure fighting with him.

He scoffed. “Like I’d lower my standards for you.”

That one hurt, she had to admit. Not out loud or to Harry, but it still stung because it was true. He’d have to drop his standards to the floor to even consider dating her and she knew it. 

“Maybe,” she began, still half focused on her work, and ignored his comment all together, “some of us like being alone.”

“Nobody likes that.” He responded quickly and she heard a shift of his weight again and then his voice once more a few moments later. “It’s nice to be by yourself sometimes, yeah, but you can’t tell me you don’t want someone to come home to at the end of the day.” He crossed one leg over the other as he gripped the edge of her desk for support and just when she thought he was done, he kept going, “Someone you can vent to about your annoying co-worker.”

She glanced at him through the little portable mirror hanging above her desk—mostly used to make sure she looked decent before meeting with clients or, sometimes, Harry—and saw the tight smile on his lips. Almost as if that’s what he wanted, like he was talking about himself and not her. 

She’d slowed her progress down while he’d talked until she was no longer working at all. She no longer swiped her pen across the pad or had any idea what she was even doing when she focused solely on his words. Because, once again, whether he was talking about himself or about her, he was right.

“Yeah well,” she quickly hid herself back behind her wall and made her hands function properly again. “Some of us also don’t have the luxury of choosing whomever we want.”

She imagined him smirking at that one because, buried deep within her words was a compliment. That he was handsome enough to actually have anyone he wanted.

Instead, when she glanced at the mirror again and found him, there was the complete opposite of a smirk on his face, and as he stared down into his mug, clearly lost in thought, she wondered what the tightness in his jaw and the frown pulling on his lips meant.

She sighed and stole his attention away from his coffee. “I’ll have it to you before lunch. You can go now, unless you’d like to argue some more and slow me down by another…” she glanced at her clock again, adding up all the time he’d been standing in her office, “fifteen minutes.”

Without another word, she listened to the drag of his footsteps as he finally left her office space. And although she was glad to be rid of his distraction, the room felt so much bigger and so much colder and emptier without him in it. Shivering, she slipped back into her jacket and spent the next few hours doing nothing but staring straight ahead at her screen as she made final adjustments to her designs. 

Any other conversations with Harry were had over email as he worked in his own respective office, messaging her with every little concern he had in order to get his work done efficiently so that he wasn’t stressing to finish it tomorrow before he had to leave. Even though Y/N considered not responding to him a few times, just to spite him and slow him down for her own amusement, she found herself feeling guilty after leaving him hanging a couple times. Sure, she hated Valentine’s Day and everything surrounding it, but she’d almost hate even more the idea of both her and Harry being miserable tomorrow, so she inevitably gave in and cooperated with him. She’d probably regret it when he came back on Thursday spreading around the office all the gory details of his date, but at least he wouldn’t also be in a shitty mood. Her days were both boring and slow whenever Harry wasn’t having a good day. And although she’d blame it all on selfish reasons, it did also make her sad to see him frowning around the office and sulking when all she wanted to do was bicker with him and make him smile again, even just a little bit. But it was easier leaving him to his own devices than risk him finding out she cared about him enough to not wish sadness upon him.  

She couldn’t say the same for him. Harry probably relished in the days she came into the office in a sour mood. He probably celebrated and threw a party whenever she was upset, and, even so, it didn’t change how she felt about him.

The sun had long set and most of the office was gone by the time she finally called it quits and began packing up her things and giving her computer a rest for the night. There were still quiet murmurs from other workaholic employees, which comforting her knowing she wasn’t completely alone in the building, since the last time she’d done that, it took everything in her not to have a panic attack all the way to her car. 

Even though her boss told her countless times not to stay past five o’clock, as he told every other female employee that worked for him that he didn’t wish to see attacked after sunset in the city. Of course, when she was the only one who didn’t listen to him, he hired more guards and one of them rounded the corner into her office space, ready to escort her all the way down to her car.

“Figured you were still here.” He leaned against the walls of her cubicle and watched as she startled, twisting to meet his eyes for a moment before she settled and returned to slipping her belongings into her purse. 

“I don’t need you to escort me.” Zipping her purse, she rose from her chair, checking one last time across her desk to make sure she’d grabbed everything she needed to take home with her before turning to him as he still lingered in the opening of her little office. 

William had been hired a couple months ago, and was only a year older than her, but even so he was more than a foot taller than her and his biceps were about as big as her head. While the entire office drooled over him, she tended to keep her eyes and her thoughts to herself. 

“You say that every night you stay late. Just let me do my job and shut up about it.” He smirked at her and when her eyes met his again, sharply, glaring at him, she groaned and whirled past him toward the elevators. He followed swiftly behind, knowing she’d close the doors on him if he didn’t keep close enough pace with her, mostly because she’d done it before.

As he took his spot beside her and she pressed the button for the parking garage at the basement of the building, a familiar voice rang out through the office.

“Wait!” As if she wasn’t already annoyed enough with William’s presence, his stupidly large arm held the elevator doors open as Harry slipped inside a moment later.

“Thanks, mate.” Harry said exclusively to William as he caught his breath and stood wedged in the middle between the guard and Y/N, who was inching closer and closer into her corner to get away from Harry.

“You have any plans tomorrow?” Harry asked, his attention solely on William again while the elevator took off down through the levels of their building. Not fast enough for Y/N, of course.

William sighed, crossing his arms and trying to resist smiling. “Me and my girlfriend take turns surprising each other every year. And it’s her turn this year… so I guess I have plans, but I don’t know what they are.”

“Damn, way to make us feel incompetent.”

Y/N whirled her head to glare up at the side of Harry’s face. “Speak for yourself.” She warned.

Harry just ignored her though. “What did you guys do last year?”

Again, William stifled a grin. “I had been saving up for a while and took us both to Paris.”

“Shit.” Harry’s eyebrows rose and Y/N rolled her eyes away from him, watching the LED screen above the elevator doors as they neared the bottom levels of the building. She knew Harry and William had become friends, mostly because Harry was annoying and befriended everyone. Except her, of course. She heard his stupid voice again and wished she could just transport herself directly into the front seat of her car and be done with the both of them. “And now she has to do better than Paris.”

Y/N glanced around Harry just in time to see William smirk and she should have known what was about to come out of his mouth before it did. “Well, I don’t consider much better than her mouth ar—“

Y/N cut him off. “Ew! Are you serious?”

Both men eyed her curiously just as the elevator came to a stop and, with a ding, the doors opened. She flew toward them quickly.

“Y/N wait, I have to—“

Again, she cut him off, turning once she was out on solid ground. “I’ll be fine, besides trying to rid my mind of that image you just burned into it.” She turned on her heel and headed off toward her car.

William made a move toward her and Harry grabbed his arm, “I’ll walk her. Forgot she’s a bit of a prude.” They shared an amused look and Harry jogged out onto the concrete and asphalt until he reached her side.

“I heard that, you know… and I know for a fact your car is not parked in this direction.” She seethed and he just smiled to himself, happier than ever that she was in the mood to bicker with him, because he wasn’t quite in the mood to leave yet, where he’d have to wait till tomorrow morning at nine-thirty to see her again. And she wasn’t always the most talkative person on Valentine’s Day, either.

“Why are you the only female in our building not foaming at the mouth over him?” He asked instead, referring to William.

He heard her scoff. “Just because he’s attractive doesn’t mean I have to be interested… or want to hear about his girlfriend sucking his—“

“Cock?” Harry finished for her and within a second she spun around to face him, forcing him to stop in his tracks just inches from her now. His smirk only grew when he saw just how quickly he’d gotten her all flustered. 

And then, as they started each other down, the hardness in her face softened and she drew out a breath, forcing his eyes to fall to her lips and his smirk to fall from his mouth. He thought back to last spring, when there were numerous late nights with her just like this one. When he went home and couldn’t stop thinking about…

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She asked and he blinked a couple times before he lifted his eyes.

“Like what?” He furrowed his brows, trying to track down all the resentment he had for her but he couldn’t find it anywhere anymore. He couldn’t summon it and say something that would save his ass from being caught looking at her like he wanted to kiss her.

Like he wanted to taste her and feel her against him, and hear what she sounded like when he tugged at her hair for more.

“Nevermind.” She shook her head, silencing the chaos going on in his brain. And then she turned, continuing the walk to her car with or without him, but, when she heard the echoing click of his shoes against the asphalt once more, she knew she wasn’t rid of him yet.

“I don’t suppose you’ll give me a ride back to my car, will you?” He easily stepped back into place beside her like nothing had happened.

She didn’t say anything for much longer than he was comfortable with. And then, finally, they reached her car and she sighed. “Get in before I change my mind.”

As she went for the driver’s side, he took quick steps to the opposite side, watching her over the top of her little Honda as she unlocked her door, and then, after clicking the button, his door as well. They both slipped in at the same time and while she fastened her seatbelt and settled in for her drive home, he sat perched with his backpack in his lap, knowing he’d be out of her car within only a couple minutes.

He still glanced around at his surroundings as she backed out of her parking space. “Should’ve guessed your car would be as neat as your desk.”

She didn’t say anything as she drove in the opposite direction of the exit toward the section of the garage Harry always parked in. It was closer to the elevators because he always came in before her and snagged a prime spot. She preferred an extra few minutes of sleep over walking an extra fifty steps.

And he started up again when she continued to not talk to him. “Most artists I know of are super messy.”

“I’m not an artist.” She gritted out through her teeth as she came to a stop once she spotted the rear-end of Harry’s BMW. Although she knew it well enough to distinguish it from the other black BMWs in the garage, it also helped that Harry had an old, faded license plate cover filled with a collage of cute pictures of puppies. He’d said it won him bonus points with women, but she also knew his screensaver at work was a picture of puppies as well, and no women he was interested in ever saw that.

He peeled his eyes off his car and looked over at her. “I know you can draw, too.”

She paused, gripping her steering wheel. She did enjoy both art and design and she knew Harry knew the difference between the two. She just didn’t know why he always insisted on bugging her about it. 

“Yeah, well that doesn’t make me an artist.”

When he didn’t say anything, she glanced at him just in time to find him shrugging a shoulder like he was agreeing to disagree. Even if she couldn’t draw, he’d still consider her an artist because the things she managed to design always blew his mind and if that wasn’t art… 

She rolled her eyes. “Are you going to get out, or do I have to drag you?”

He grinned, and it was almost as if her eyes refused to see anything else but his dimples and the bright whites of his teeth, and the birthmark to the side of his mouth… 

“I’m going.” He assured, and yet he still hadn’t moved an inch. “Even though I’d love to see you try to drag me.” With her knuckles whitening on the steering wheel, he chuckled and unzipped the small pocket on the front of his backpack, withdrawing his keys as he finally swung her door open.

Once he was out, he gripped the top of the door and leaned back in to find her staring straight ahead. “Drive carefully, yeah? Would be quite tragic for your bitter ass to die on Valentine’s Day.”

She reached over and, despite having to brush her knuckles along the side of his thigh, grabbed the handle of the passenger door and yanked. His body remained in her way, however, and he was unfortunately a lot stronger than her.

Then she finally looked up at him, and those thoughts he had earlier surfaced again as much as he’d tried to bury them. This time though, he didn’t fight it as he glanced at her lips once more, then back at her eyes, which had widened slightly just before the dimples reappeared in his cheeks. “And I guess I would miss bickering with you every day.”

With that, he was gone and she retreated back to her seat as he shut the door for her. She had no idea what to think about what had just happened. Why he’d looked at her like that again. What that look even meant. 

By the time she reached the freeway, she’d convinced herself she was just seeing things. Harry wasn’t looking at her in any other way he had before when he was intent on pestering her. But, as she took in the scent of him still lingering in the cabin, she allowed a small part of her to hope she was wrong.

Her eyes fell on the man down the hall from her door as she slipped her key into the lock, her brows furrowing as she watched him. It wasn’t unusual for their paths to cross, as they tended to get home around the same time, but it was quite odd to see him sitting on the floor outside his apartment, his head in his hands. 

They’d said hi to each other a couple times in the mailroom, but she definitely didn’t know him well enough to go up and ask what his issue was or try to fix it for him. And after it was confirmed that he hadn’t, in fact, lost his keys, as they sat beside him on the floor along with his phone, she figured it best to leave him be. 

Turning her key, she pulled her gaze from him and disappeared from the hallway.

The second she was inside her apartment, she felt all the weight lift right off her shoulders, especially when her cat came racing up, screaming at her from the floor while also coaxing her toward the kitchen to fill the food bowl. Whatever was going on with her neighbor still very much on her mind, she tried to focus instead on relaxing and getting both her and the screaming Pretzel some dinner. 

She tried to remember his name as she heated up leftover pasta. She knew it started with an A, but her brain was coming up short. So, while Pretzel crunched on his food in his corner of the kitchen, she tried her hardest to remember. 

And it was no question why she cared so much. Her neighbor was someone she was actually interested in, and she had been since she first saw him. Of course, she was never foolish enough to think he was into her, but she still let herself fantasize. He was tall, nearly black curly hair atop his head always in a state of disarray, and he had the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen hidden behind his glasses. And, if she was being honest with herself, he was just a darker-haired version of Harry. Maybe that’s why she liked him.

The beeping of her microwave tore her thoughts from the dangerous path they’d been headed down. Harry’s voice rang in her head a moment later.

Like I’d lower my standards for you.

She’d needed to hear him say that, because sometimes her thoughts got carried away when it came to Harry and sometimes she did let herself be a fool who hoped. But after he’d said that one damning phrase, it was enough for her to stop. She didn’t meet a single one of his standards, inside or out. 

Still, she tried her hardest not to go back out into the hall and make sure her neighbor was alright. Maybe he just needed someone to talk to and it wasn’t like she was doing anything important. Even if she didn’t have a dumb crush on him, as she did Harry, she still didn’t enjoy seeing him in the state he’d been in.

Before she could work up the nerve, however, a knock sounded through her quiet apartment.

She held her breath as she opened her door, really hoping it wasn’t the boy from across the hall, since she was still blanking on his name, but she couldn’t imagine anyone else knocking on her door this late into the evening. 

So when she inevitably found him there, looking down at her through his annoyingly long lashes as she took in the horrible state he was in—red, inflamed eyes and hair that needed to see a brush rather than his hand—she completely lost her breath instead.

“Uh, sorry, I… saw you come in and I know we don’t talk and this is a weird thing for me to ask but…” He ran said hand through said messy hair and she found her breath again while looking up at him like she’d do whatever he’d asked just so he’d stop frowning.

He sighed, glancing down the hall toward his apartment and then met her curious and somewhat concerned gaze. “Can I come in?”

She recoiled. “Um… why?”

“Well, um, I was hoping you could help me with something and I’d rather not have the entire floor know about it.”

She was beyond confused now, but still, she stepped aside and let him pass, assuming that if he was actually a murderer he would have done her in a lot sooner than this. He had plenty of other opportunities. Plus, something in his face just… made her want to trust him.

She closed the door and turned to him, watching as his eyes scanned her kitchen and where her food still sat before he twisted around, eyes wide. “Shit, I’m sorry for interrupting.”

She shook her head. ��It’s fine.” And after clearing her throat, she crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you, um… what do you need help with?”

He swallowed and she watched his Adam’s apple budge in his throat. “I don’t imagine you’ll like me very much after I ask but… I need a date.”

“What?” Again, she nearly flew out of her skin.

His eyes darted back and forth between hers, gauging her reactions and very obviously on the verge of seeing himself out and pretending this never happened. Instead, he stuffed away his pride and went on. “My ex… she, uh… well we broke up a few months ago and I saw her the other day and she’s seeing someone and we were talking and I… told her I was seeing someone too and so she invited me to go on this stupid double date with her… but the thing is… I’m not actually seeing anyone and I just told her that so she’d be jealous but she didn’t seem jealous at all and I don’t exactly have many friends to ask for help and I saw you and…” He rambled, but she managed to understand his predicament just fine. 

“A double date? With your ex?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know either. She’s… she does weird shit but… I still want her back.”

Y/N’s heart ached in her chest. As much as she detested relationships, she was a sucker for other people’s relationships and she was definitely a sucker for her beautiful neighbor, even if he was asking to use her to make his ex-girlfriend jealous.

“Not that I’m saying yes but… when? And where?” She finally asked after thinking things over for a moment.

“Tomorrow night… I can pay you. I will pay you, I mean… but, seriously, you don’t have to do it I just thought I would ask.”

“Where is this date at?” She repeated when he didn’t answer that part of her question.

“At this party… and bef—“

She cut him off. “Okay so let me get this right. You want to hire me as your date to a Valentine’s Day party?”

He lifted a brow, “Well, there’s more… she wants to get dinner before going to the party.”

She shook her head, looking away, “I don’t really do Valentine’s Day…”

“You wouldn’t have to do much. I’ll pay for your dinner, too. Whatever you want. I just… really need your help and you’re my only option.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You realize I’m not exactly…” she waved at her face and his eyebrows screwed together in confusion. “I’m not easy on the eyes and I don’t think taking me will make anyone jealous.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, just stared at her incredulously. She shifted her weight nervously and he finally opened his mouth. “You don’t actually think that, do you?”

Her features scrunched up and she kept her eyes planted on the middle of his chest. And then he realized that she, in fact, did.

“I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have asked you to do this.” He also realized that using her to make his ex jealous would possibly hurt her more than it would help him and he could no longer fathom putting her through that. “I’ll figure it out. I’m sorry.” He moved to walk past her, back to his apartment but she stopped him before he got far.

“No… I’ll help you.” And then she realized his identity was still somewhat of a mystery to her. “This sounds even worse than what you just asked me to do, but… I completely forgot your name.”

He breathed out a laugh. “It’s Adam.”

She knew it had started with an A!

“Y/N.” 

He smiled wider and nodded. “I know.” And then his face grew sad again. “I am really sorry I’m asking you to do this on Valentine’s Day, it’s definitely not my proudest moment.”

She waved him off. “I wasn’t going to do anything anyway. Just tell me what you need me to do.” She didn’t bother brining up the whole payment thing. She didn’t really care about being paid. He was nice, the only nice person she’d encountered in her apartment building and if getting him back together with his ex meant she’d never have to come home and see him in the fetal position on the floor again, she’d suffer through a date and a party on her least favorite holiday.

It was somehow even worse than it’d been yesterday. The decorations seemed to triple in size. Not an inch of the office was untouched by something pink and she prayed whoever had put up even more decorations had spared her little cubicle.

“Oh, hey, Y/N!” One of the receptionists most responsible for the overflowing decor, Kayla, called her over to her desk not even a minute after Y/N had arrived. And she stalked over until she saw the package Kayla pulled out that instantly lifted her spirits.

She stopped in front of Kayla’s desk and took the thin box from from her, already knowing what it was and thanking god for the timing so that her entire day wasn’t completely miserable. It was a new drawing pad she’d ordered, a bigger one that she hoped would be a bit more efficient to use than her current one.

Even with her back turned to the rest of the office, she sensed Harry’s presence long before he stopped beside her with his mug in hand.

He lifted a brow at the package in Y/N’s hands just as she reluctantly turned to look at him. “Getting gifts sent to the office? That’s a first.”

She rolled her eyes and stuffed the box under her arm, holding herself back from running off to her office to set it up. “Jealous?” She cocked her head.

And instead of his condescending smirk and a hateful response to go with it, the sparkle in his eyes seemed to fade as he eyed the box again, genuinely worried now that it was actually a gift from someone. 

Before either could say anything, they all turned to find a delivery man walking up to Kayla with a giant bouquet of flowers in tow. And so it began. Although, when Kayla took the vase from the man eagerly, a bright smile on her face because Kayla loved love a little too much, Y/N couldn’t help but think about Adam. About how the only time she’d managed to get a date on Valentine’s Day was when it wasn’t even real. Instead, she’d stupidly agreed to help her cute neighbor win back his ex-girlfriend in exchange for a free dinner.

It was… pathetic. To say the least.

She felt Harry watching her, too, while she eyed the bouquet of flowers as they departed reception with Kayla and made their way to their recipient. As stupid as she found everything about the holiday, she couldn’t help but want someone to send her flowers. To give her anything for that matter. To have thought about her for at least a second of their day. Harry cleared his throat and she tore her eyes away.

“So… what’s in the box?”

“None of your business.” She rounded him, heading to her office, but he grabbed her free arm to stop her short and didn’t speak until she met his gaze again.

“Can we meet up in my office to finish the proposal? Think it’ll be easier to get it done than over email.”

She had every reason to be suspicious of him. They almost never worked in each other’s offices. When they did work together, which was often, it was in one of the empty conference rooms and it was usually at the beginning of the process when they needed the space to plan things out. The last time they’d really been in each other’s offices was last spring. Figuring he just wanted to get things done so he could be out of the office on time, she let it go.

“Give me fifteen minutes.”

He watched her walk away, watched her even as Kayla returned and noticed his gaze and giggled at him as she took her spot back behind her desk.

“It was something she ordered for herself, by the way.”

“What?” Harry whipped around again, not having even realized the other woman until now.

“I know you two pretend to hate each other but I see the way you look at her, Harry.” Kayla lifted a brow at him as she began typing on her keyboard.

He feigned disgust. “I’m seeing someone, you know.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.” He insisted. “I have a date. Tonight.”

She lifted her hands in surrender. “Okay… I’m just saying.”

“I don’t look at her.”

Kayla suppressed a smile and snorted instead. “If you say so. I guess you didn’t also sneak into her office this morning, either.”

“I think all these flowers and stuffed bears and heart-shaped things have gotten to your head.” He pointed around to the decor littering her desk while holding his mug steady.

Kayla met his eyes and her smile slipped off her face. “Harry, please don’t mess with her.”

His face screwed up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you don’t like her then don’t lead her on.”

“I don’t think she’s capable of being led on.”

Kayla froze for a moment and then nodded. “You’re right.”

He wasn’t sure what she meant by that either. “Why are you being weird?”

“Because,” Kayla sighed, brushing her curled brunette hair onto one shoulder and then lowered the volume of her voice. “I happen to know she doesn’t think very highly of herself and I’d rather not see her get hurt, especially not by you.”

Now Harry froze. The hand that gripped his mug tightened and he didn’t even flinch as it began to burn his skin. He heard Y/N’s voice in his head then as he drowned out his surroundings.

Some of us don’t have the luxury of choosing whomever we want.

He had instantly regretted what he’d said to her yesterday when she’d told him that. And now hearing Kayla, in a way, confirm what he’d read between the lines of Y/N’s words… his chest tightened in quite possibly the worst way ever. He’d hated himself most of the day after telling her he’d never lower his standards for her and he could say he was just bickering all he wanted, but he knew now for certain she took it the wrong way. And he wished more than ever that he hadn’t said something so horrible to her, especially when it was the farthest thing from the truth. 

And the real truth, that he was trying desperately to shove away with stupid remarks like that, was that he didn’t meet her standards. She wasn’t into relationships and he knew he wasn’t good enough to change her mind.

“How do you know that?” He finally asked.

“That Christmas party last year… she’s a really happy drunk until she’s not.”

He flinched. “Did she say something?”

“I don’t want to get into it, mostly because I don’t think she remembers and would probably kill me if I told you but… just leave her be.”

He hardened back up again. “She does’t have any interest in relationships anyway, ‘specially not with me.”

Kayla scoffed. “She’s a really good liar.”

Harry stood there for a few more moments, feeling as if his life had just gotten flipped upside down. He’d been in such a good mood mere minutes ago before his dumbass waltzed into reception all because he’d seen Y/N. Because, despite everything and despite the fact he was already attempting to date someone else, it was Y/N he wanted to be close to all the damn time. Groaning, he turned on his heel and left for his office, hoping she wasn’t there waiting for him so he could have a moment to himself to gather his thoughts.

In a hurry to open her package, Y/N slumped down into her chair tossing her purse on the ground at her feet and pulling out her box cutter in a rush of movements. She was so distracted, in fact, that she didn’t even notice the little stuffed frog, the box of chocolates and envelope sitting on the other side of her desk near her mouse. Instead, she unboxed her new tablet and began setting it up, not noticing the gifts until she went to turn on her computer. And then she froze.

With reluctant hands she grabbed the envelope first, her name printed on it in perfect cursive. She knew nobody in the office who had such good penmanship. Opening the card in hopes of finding out who had placed the items on her desk, instead, she just found it signed as ‘secret admirer.’ Rolling her eyes, she set the card down and realized it had to be from her boss. Sometimes he remembered to go around and give everyone little gifts on the holidays. Obviously he’d remembered this year. 

She dug into the chocolates as she set up her tablet and began calibrating it to suit her needs before finally testing it out in the little bit of time she had before she needed to make her way to Harry’s office. 

And once that time came, she left everything in its place, besides the box of chocolates, which she continued to pick at while she made her way through the room. What she didn’t notice while stuffing her face with candy was that… no one else had a stuffed frog or chocolates or a cheesy little card on their desks.

She rounded the corner into Harry’s office, which was a real office and not a cubicle that he usually shared with one other person who was thankfully out with clients for the day. She knocked on the doorframe to get his attention after just watching him focus on his screen for a moment. Harry was cute when he was focused.

But then he turned to her and his eyes fell to the box in her hand.

When he didn’t say anything, she held it out toward him. “Do you want some? I think Andrew was feeling generous this year.”

Harry’s eyes quickly panned up to hers and his brows furrowed as if she’d just punched him in the gut. And she couldn’t make out what that expression meant no matter how hard she tried. 

“He didn’t give me anything.” Harry motioned around his desk.

“Maybe he doesn’t like you.” She shrugged, setting the chocolates down on his desk while she grabbed his office mate’s chair and pulled it up beside him.

Harry sighed, turning to his computer for a moment and then watching her from his peripheral while she picked out another piece of chocolate. “I didn’t see anyone else with chocolates on their desks this morning.”

Y/N just shrugged. “There was a frog too. And a card.”

“And why do you think he’d give you all of that and no one else?” Harry hoped she’d get the hint but he didn’t hope too hard. She was still Y/N after all. And he really didn’t mean to sound so bitter… well, okay, he did. But he knew she’d misplace his bitterness, crushing what little hope there was to bits.

“Maybe he likes me better than all the rest of you.”

Harry scoffed, shaking his head as he put his attention back on his screen. 

“No one else in this office would give me a card signed as a secret admirer so… maybe I did something I don’t remember doing and he’s thanking me?” Now that she really thought about it, and if Harry was right… then it really didn’t make  much sense. It’s not like she was Andrew’s favorite employee.

Harry just lifted a brow and then pretended to lose all interest. 

Sensing the tension, she slipped the box closer to him. “Here. I think you need a knock-off Snickers if you expect me to work with your grumpy ass.” He made no move to indulge her, however. And so she went on, continuing to poke the bear. “Why are you in a lousy mood anyway? Isn’t this your favorite holiday? And you get to leave early.”

His eyes fell from his screen and he stared at the brick of sticky notes below his monitor before mumbling, “I’m sorry about what I said yesterday.”

Taken aback, she searched what she could see of his face for answers to what he was apologizing for. He’d said a few things she could imagine deserved an apology and yet, so did she. Maybe she should have been the one to apologize to him first.

“I didn’t mean to say what I did.” He finally turned to meet her face on. He’d hoped the frog and the chocolates would have been atonement enough, but considering she thought they were from their boss and not him, he just had to suck it up and actually say what he meant.

She shrugged. “It’s fine. I can be a prude sometimes.”

He searched her eyes for a moment and then shook his head, “No that’s not… I meant what I said earlier in your office… about lowering my standards. It was a stupid thing to say and not true in the slightest.”

But then she smiled and he grew confused. “Yes it is. It’s okay to have standards, you know.”

“I know that. But if we… I wouldn’t have to lower my standards. And it was cruel of me to have said that to you.”

She couldn’t stand looking at him any longer and averted her gaze, clearing her throat. “Well it doesn’t matter so… can we just get this proposal done?”

He’d wanted to spend how ever long it took to convince her that it did, in fact, matter, but Y/N was persistent, more so than him, and so he’d given in and they moved on to being productive with their time. And in less time than he’d anticipated their proposal was finished, being sent off to Andrew for approval before their presentation at the end of the week with their clients.

Harry sat back in his chair and she returned her own to the other desk where it belonged, all while he watched her. 

“What do you do on Valentine’s Day?” He asked, just trying to get her to stay longer, knowing that if those were his true intentions, then he was fucked. That he wanted to be around Y/N, even though he was seeing someone else, albeit for just a week so far, even though she’d never want the same from him. 

Maybe he was just as terrible with relationships as she claimed if he always chased after what he couldn’t have.

“That is also none of your business.” She grabbed her box of chocolates from his desk, his voice pinning her in place again though.

“Let me guess… it involves chocolate, your cat, and the most anti-romantic movies you can find?”

He would not think her very prudish if he knew what else she did on Valentine’s Day while alone in her apartment, but she figured it was best to keep that to herself. Instead, she smiled at him. “Something like that.”

He narrowed his eyes and threw his arms up behind his head as he laid back in his chair, watching her curiously like he was trying to figure her out. Meanwhile, she was trying to not make it obvious she was staring at his biceps as they just about bulged from underneath the sleeve of his pink button-up. He’d done it on purpose though, so as much as she tried to hide it, he still grinned with satisfaction when she became flustered.

“Well, have fun with that, then.” He nodded, and for a moment while she was lost in his eyes and growing embarrassingly hot, she wondered if he could read her mind. If he knew exactly what not-so-innocent things she did on Valentine’s Day. Then he brought his arms back down to rest his elbows on the edge of his desk, pinching his bottom lip between his fingers and watching as she rolled her eyes, held her chocolates close, and left his office. 

Adam arrived right when he said he would at five-thirty. It had given her plenty of time to change out of her work clothes and into one of the few dresses she owned, to at least seem somewhat convincing that this was a real date. She also fixed her makeup and put on a pinkish-nude lipstick before switching out her bulky purse for a smaller crossbody. 

When she opened the door to him, he most certainly did not disappoint. She almost let herself get lost in the delusion that it was a real date when she saw him dressed to the nines and cleaned up for the first time since she’d known him. And she especially got a little lost in it when he pulled a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back and handed them to her. 

“You didn’t have to—“

“I know.” He gave her a once over when she wasn’t looking. “You didn’t have to do this for me either.”

She quietly accepted the flowers and let him in while she found a vase and filled it with water. He leaned on the counter, watching her as she did so.

“You look… beautiful, by the way.” He blurted out once she had cut and placed the stems into the vase. Her hands froze, though, and when he met her eyes, he knew he’d made a mistake.

“You’re paying me to make your ex-girlfriend jealous. Please don’t flatter me.”

“Sorry.” He muttered, although he was beginning to wonder if the bigger mistake was not taking her out on a proper date that had nothing to do with his ex. 

She sighed and adjusted the strap of her purse. “Let’s go then.”

He went over all the final details on the Uber ride to the restaurant. Things about his ex he thought Y/N should know about. And he made sure she knew, for about the hundredth time, that she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to. And she reminded him for an equal amount of times that she never did anything she didn’t want to do. So, settling that, he helped her out of the back of the Uber when they arrived and opened the door to the restraint for her as well. Everything that she’d expect from a normal date, which only left her disappointed when she reminded herself it wasn’t.

She waited quietly, and tried to catch her nerves, while Adam talked to the hostess and gave her his ex’s name for the reservation. The place was packed and anyone who didn’t call ahead surely would not be getting a table tonight. She’d never been out on Valentine’s Day, though, so it was like stepping into a brand new world for her. And as she followed both the hostess and Adam, she paid more attention to all the couples enjoying their meals than anything else.

Except for when he reached back and grabbed her hand, entwining their fingers just before they came to a stop. She blinked her eyes at their hands for just a moment before he gently pulled her around next to him. And whatever way she’d felt about holding Adam’s hand went right out the window when she locked eyes with Harry.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

The last thing she expected to find, while Laura, the gorgeous blonde ex-girlfriend, stood to hug Adam, was Harry fucking Styles. And what a fucking coincidence it was, almost as if this was her karma for feeling the need to constantly help people. 

Adam’s hand slipped from hers but she didn’t even notice it anyway. She and Harry still stared each other down and neither of them moved a muscle either. Well, besides the one in his jaw as it tightened. Then he did move, glancing over at Adam with a blank expression before landing his gaze back on her again. And then his eyes fell to the glass of water in front of him and she felt like she’d been released from chains he’d tied around her wrists.

“This is Y/N,” Adam’s hand went to the small of her back, guiding her forward to meet his ex-girlfriend and Harry’s current… whatever they were. 

Laura held out her hand, her smile a little too forced. “Laura. It’s nice to meet you. Please, sit.” She ushered them to the table as she took her spot beside Harry again. Adam, of course, took the chair opposite Laura, which left Y/N in the one opposite Harry. 

This would be a long, hellish night.

She couldn’t help but wonder what Harry was thinking. That maybe she’d come to crash his date. Or, even worse, that he’d already figured the whole thing out. That Adam was paying her to be here. She really hoped he’d never find out because it was just embarrassing enough to make her want to change her name and move across the country, thousands of miles away from him. Harry finding out that she couldn’t get a real date to save her life… beyond humiliating.

“This is Harry.” Laura motioned to him and he just barely lifted his gaze, nodding at Adam and ignoring Y/N entirely. “You know,” the blonde went on, glancing between Adam and Y/N, “I was a little shocked when you told me you were seeing someone again.”

Adam just shrugged.

“How did you guys meet?” 

Y/N left all the talking to him. Mostly because she was still in shock that she was sitting across from Harry. And she hadn’t even taken the time to properly take him in and realized he’d also changed his clothes since work. Swapping his wardrobe out for a fitted black button-up, that wasn’t buttoned all the way to the top as his shirts normally were. The sleeves were already rolled to his elbows. He’d shaved off the scruff along his jaw as well and fixed his hair so that it was combed back out of his face, although a a couple rebellious strands hung down onto his forehead. He looked… like absolute perfection. And he was being forced to be on a date with the ex-boyfriend of the girl he was seeing and his annoying co-worker. She felt terrible for him.

“Oh, uh, well we live on the same floor.”

Laura nodded, clearly anticipating more. “Is that it?”

Y/N felt Adam tense up beside her and so she took over, easily spinning a lie. “I ran out of milk one night a few weeks ago. He’s the only one who answered the door.”

She noticed a flash of movement in her peripheral and turned to find Harry’s gaze on her again, one eyebrow lifted curiously. He was either wondering how she hid it so well, or trying to figure out what to ask in order to reveal their ploy. He never said anything, though.

“Sorry, um,” Laura’s tone changed as she glanced between Harry and Y/N, both of them looking away when the other girl interrupted. “Do you two know each other?”

Harry grinned, sitting back against his seat and folding his hands in his lap. “Something like that.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “We work together.”

“Really?” Although her tone said otherwise, Laura’s face said everything about how she felt upon hearing that bit of information. 

Adam twisted his worrisome gaze to Y/N, but she ignored it. Harry, however, did not.

“Don’t worry, mate. I was under the impression she was celibate up until now.” With that, Y/N kicked him under the table and he sat forward to swallow the groan that very nearly left his lips after she’d jabbed him in the shin with the toe of her heels. “Guess she’s really good at hiding things, though.”

Adam just chuckled nervously and Y/N shot him an apologetic smile, trying to reassure him that this date would still work out despite Harry. 

“What a small world.” Laura laughed, trying to break the tension but dinner hadn’t even started yet. 

Sometime during the main course, Laura excused herself to the bathroom and Y/N almost, in a desperate attempt to flee both Adam and Harry, invited herself along. But she figured it’d be worse to be alone with Laura than with them. Laura might ask questions she wasn’t prepared for. So, she stayed put, as much as it pained her to do so.

“So, Adam, what do you do for a living?” Harry asked suddenly and she wanted to kick him again. Mostly because his tone was that of a jealous teenager and he’d waited until Laura was gone to pester her ex-boyfriend who most certainly did not deserve Harry’s pestering.

“Oh, uh, I’m an artist. I work for an animation studio at the moment but I’m trying to get into freelance.”

Harry’s eyes shot to the suspiciously quiet girl sitting across from him. “So is Y/N.”

Adam turned to look at her, but she just glared at Harry. “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

Harry titled his head as he narrowed his attention in on Adam again. “So you’ve known her for a few weeks and you never asked what she did?”

“Harry.” Y/N warned, trying to kick him under the table again but he dodged out of the way.

“Well… she said she was in graphic design… not art.” She had told him that, during their crash course yesterday while they got to know as much as they could about each other in a span of a couple hours.

“I think it’s the same thing.”

Adam just shrugged. “I guess. I don’t think I could be a designer, though. Most artists make what they think looks good, designers create things to appeal to customers.”

“Just ignore him.” Y/N advised and Harry was the one shooting her daggers and attempting to stomp his foot on top of hers under the table this time.

“You and Laura used to date then? She never told me how you split up.” Harry moved on.

Adam swallowed nervously. “She broke up with me.”

“Why?” Harry pushed and Y/N looked at him like she wanted to kill him, which he ignored.

“I, uh… I had a drug problem for a while. I was not the best person to be around sometimes. But after we broke up, she helped me with rehab and everything.”

“Guess that explains why you’re on such good terms.”

Now Y/N really wanted to do more than just kick him. 

Adam grabbed Y/N’s hand under the table and pulled her straight from her violent thoughts about Harry. And he didn’t lace his fingers between hers, instead, it felt as if he had just been looking for something to ground himself with. And her hand resting on her lap was the closest thing he could find. It didn’t, however, go unnoticed by Harry and his jaw clenched as he stared at the point in the table where, just below, there their hands met almost as if he was trying to set everything on fire.

Laura returned shortly after that. 

As promised, Adam paid the entirety of both his and Y/N’s bill, even though she attempted to snag it from him, seeing as the date had gone to shit and it was all her fault. Well… maybe it was also Harry’s fault a little bit too. But she definitely did nothing to make Laura jealous. Adam, on the other hand, did a great job at making Harry jealous just by existing and being Laura’s ex, whom she was still friends with. 

The four of them stood outside on the curb awaiting their Uber after dinner was over, agreeing upon splitting one car to get to the party instead of taking two. Laura was apparently very cautious about fossil fuel consumption.

Y/N shivered as she stood between Adam and Laura, wishing she’d bright a jacket instead of relying on a long-sleeve dress to keep her warm. Then an arm wrapped around her shoulders and Adam pulled her close, running his hand up and down her arm to form heat. She tensed up, though, forming into an immovable brick. She had no idea the last time she’d been that close to another person, let alone a member of the opposite sex. When he felt her go rigid, he leaned down until his lips were at her ear. “Is this okay?”

She just nodded and tried to relax. Which turned out to be quite easy because Adam was warm and he smelled nice. She, of course, didn’t let her mind wander off too far. He was still in love with his ex. He’d still shove cash into her hand at the end of the night for her troubles and go on with his life.

Adam let go of her when the car pulled up and quickly went to the passenger door to confirm with the driver. Then he opened the back door for the three of them to climb in, Laura going first, then Harry, and, at last, Y/N, while Adam slipped into the front seat beside the driver.

While the car took off, Y/N was shoved into the corner when Harry moved closer to her in order to find both his and Laura’s seat buckles in the dark. Eventually, he settled back into the middle and gave her some space again. When she made no move to do the same as them, Harry turned to look down at her. 

“Put your seatbelt on.” He whispered.

Her eyes whirled up to his. Wordlessly, and of course after rolling her eyes, she grabbed her seatbelt and he made room for her to buckle it in. Then she sat back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest while she stared out at the traffic through her window.

She would have stayed in that exact position the entire trip, too, if Harry’s knee didn’t insist on bumping into hers constantly. And she couldn’t tell if he was doing it on purpose or not.

When she glanced up at him, and found the corner of his lips curl upward, she figured it was, in fact, purposeful. So, with the hand closest to him as her arms were still crossed, she poked him in the side, right against his ribs, hoping it hurt.

“Ouch.” He whined, covering the spot with his hand dramatically. Everyone in the car glanced at Harry, all except for Y/N who snickered as she returned to staring out the window.

Harry wasn’t giving up, though. This time, with his arms crossed in his lap, and glancing at Laura to be sure she wasn’t watching, he walked his pointer and middle finger up the outside of Y/N’s thigh, close enough to her hip to make her squirm slightly when his touch tickled her. And as soon as he got her attention, he looked down at what he was doing and pressed his middle finger against her, meeting her gaze with a smirk.

In the same moment, the driver turned up the music in the car as they waited tirelessly at a red light. It was better than silence or listening to his passengers breathing. But Harry mentally thanked him and turned his attention back to Y/N, leaning into her slightly until his lips were at her ear and she shivered for an all new reason.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a dress before.” He whispered for her ears only. The music was especially loud in the back and he wasn’t sure Y/N had even heard him.

Especially since she didn’t respond right away. But how could she? Harry’s fingertips were still grazing her thigh, as if trying to emphasize the dress she had on. And his stupid knee was pressed right up against hers. She couldn’t think straight.

Though when she finally turned to him and whispered back, “Don’t get used to it,” he knew she had, in fact, heard him well enough. 

He leaned again, “Afraid I already am.” 

She hated that there were butterflies in her stomach. That he was saying such odd things to her when his date was sitting just on the other side of him. The date who most definitely met all Harry’s standards.

Huddling away from him, she stuck her eyes out the window and kept them there the rest of the trip.

It was just past eight when they arrived, a fifteen-minute trip up through the city taking half an hour due to all the Valentine’s Day traffic. Another reason she hated this holiday.

The party was being held by Laura’s best friend, who’s name Y/N did not care to commit to memory. In the elevator ride up to the penthouse, though, Harry stood close to Laura, his arm wrapped around her waist and Adam to Y/N, although he didn’t touch her. She wouldn’t have minded if he did, but she figured it was best to keep those boundaries in place anyway.

Pink and golden balloons littered the ceilings of the penthouse. The drink cups were also pink, as was the communal punch bowl that Y/N steered clear of, having no idea what was in it, or who had already spiked it. She knew nobody at the party besides who she’d come with, though she assumed both Adam and Harry were somewhat acquainted with Laura’s friends. 

It was most definitely not someplace Y/N ever saw herself being at, not only because it was a Valentine’s themed party, but also because she wasn’t exactly comfortable around so many people. Especially when those people were all so unfamiliar to her.

“Here,” Adam handed her a drink and then grabbed one for himself. She downed the thing in one go, needing to take the edge off. It might’ve been a slight mistake when the alcohol burned the back of her throat, but she didn’t care too much when she grabbed another.

Then he was leading her into the dancing pit of bodies where they huddled close enough so that his lips were at her ear. “Is it alright if I touch you?”

She glanced over at where Laura and Harry had been left, finding both her hazel eyes and Harry’s green ones glued to the both of them. She wasn’t sure what Harry’s deal was, but this was her moment to fix things and make Laura jealous, so, turning back to Adam, she nodded.

He eased his hands onto her waist as they began swaying to the music. And then he pulled her closer, his hands slipping to the small of her back as her arms wrapped around his neck, being careful with her own movements even though she desperately wanted to sink her hands in his hair.

And, god, he smelled so good as her head rested in the crook of his neck. And he felt good, too, as he moved against her body. She knew it wasn’t real, and that the alcohol was making skewing her perception of things, but it was still nice. Nice to be held and to just let go for a change.

Over Adam’s shoulder, Y/N caught Harry’s eyes again. His jaw clenched and he looked the same as he did back at the restaurant. Angry. And then she realized that maybe she wasn’t really trying to make Laura jealous anymore at all, but rather Harry.

It was dumb, she knew that. He’d have to like her in order for her to make him jealous. But… the way he was looking at her. The way he had looked at her. His eyes lingering too long on her lips. What he’d done in the car ride here. 

She heard Adam in her ear again. “I think it’s working. She just stormed off into the kitchen.” Then he pulled away and she realized she hadn’t even seen Laura. Just Harry. Harry and his stupid, obnoxious green eyes.

“You owe me more than just dinner.” Y/N teased but Adam grew serious.

“I know. And since you refuse to accept my money, I’ll have to figure out another way to repay you.” He smiled and then twirled her around so that she no longer had any line of sight toward Harry. He pulled her close again, one hand going to her waist while the other stayed locked to one of hers. “Suppose I could start with making your coworker just as jealous… although I think he already is.”

Confusion flooded her features as she peered up at him. 

“Oh, come on! He was ready to rip my head off when he realized I’d grabbed your hand. And when I put my arm around you? I thought I might be better off just giving you my jacket and freezing to death instead.”

“I don’t…” she shook her head in disbelief. It was one thing for her to be pretending to make Harry jealous in some delusional hope that it’d work. But this… this was a whole other thing.

“I’m actually quite interested to see what he does if I kissed you.”

She was shocked at first and then, possibly due to the alcohol, just as interested. “Are you asking my permission?”

“Are you saying yes?”

Y/N hesitated. “Is she back?”

Adam’s eyes scanned the room and Y/N realized he hadn’t asked to kiss her for Laura’s sake at all.

“She is.” He finally announced. 

Without any more second guessing, Y/N’s hand slipped to the back of his neck and pulled him in. As soon as their lips collided and she tasted the alcohol on him, she knew that she’d never agreed to this without it. Or maybe she would. Adam spun them back around again, deepening the kiss as her eyes opened and fell into the direction she’d last seen Harry.

He was still there.

Still watching.

His hands in fists. His jaw tightened into a crisp line. His nostrils flared. His eyes… sad.

She pulled away. Adam steadied her, grabbing her shoulders when she swayed. But, as she caught her breath, the dizziness went away. 

“I’m going to find the bathroom.” She told him and after he nodded, she left, forming a rift for herself through the bodies that danced all around them until she was in the clear. Then she was avoiding Harry as she walked past him, not so sure his gaze was still set on her. Maybe she’d gone too far. She didn’t often just kiss people for no good reason and that’s exactly what she’d just done with Adam. She barely even knew him.

She didn’t exactly need the bathroom, just an open, empty and quiet place. And so, she fell back against a wall in the foyer and ran a hand through her hair.

“That was quite the show.”

She startled at the sound of his familiar voice and looked up just as he stopped a few feet away from her. “What are you talking about?”

He lifted a brow. “You expect me to believe that that you, anti everything to do with this holiday and with relationships and romance, are actually dating that guy?”

“Is it that hard to believe?” She crossed her arms, willing to go as far as she needed to before she let Harry see the truth. That she was that pathetic. 

“Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate to respond and she flinched.

“Well, I’m sorry that you have a hard time believing that someone may actually like me.” She had no reason to nearly be shouting at him and no reason to be saying what she was because Adam didn’t like her.

“That’s not what I said. It’s hard for me to believe you just dropped all your ideas about relationships for some guy with obnoxious blue eyes.”

“I didn’t.”

“So then what is this?”

Y/N hesitated. Hating that the truth was about to boil over out of her mouth for him to see all the embarrassing bits of it, but she had no other way of convincing him. And it didn’t really help that Adam was so far out of her league that it wasn’t even convincing to begin with. Nor did she want to convince Harry of anything either. It was clear now that he hadn’t been jealous, he was just trying to figure out when she stopped hating relationships so much.

And the truth of that was she never really hated them. It was just easier telling herself she didn’t want it than admitting no one ever actually wanted her.

She trembled, not even sure why, but he was making her incredibly nervous, so much that she wished she could rewind and stay squished next to him in the back of the car forever. Being that close to him... his stupid fingers on her thigh, whispering things in her ear that made her head spin. She’d much prefer that than standing in front of him now, seeing every ounce of judgment he was about to throw her way.

“What do you want me to say, Harry?” She shrugged and dropped her eyes to the white marble floors between them, focusing on calming her anxiety while she was no longer looking at him. “He needed a date and I felt bad for him.”

“What does that mean?”

Letting her head fall back against the wall, she stared up at the ceiling this time as her eyes burned with embarrassment. “He paid me to be his date so his ex-girlfriend didn’t find out he wasn’t actually seeing anyone. That’s what it means.”

Harry didn’t say anything.

“So, yeah.” She folded her arms, looking down at the floor again, still unable to meet Harry’s eyes and see the look that would be on his face. A smirk of amusement at her expense. Even probably his dimples, taunting her and turning her into the joke she already was. “You were right. I can’t find anyone to tolerate me, which is why I’m on this stupid date that isn’t even real.”

“Him kissing you seemed quite real to me.”

There was more exasperation than humor to her laugh. “It wasn’t.”

Harry seemed to finally understand. “He’s trying to make Laura jealous.”

Y/N just nodded. “I promise I didn’t know you were going to be there, that he was trying to get her back from you.”

“You still kissed him though.”

She couldn’t argue that, nor could she tell him the real reason she’d agreed to the kiss. That it wasn’t exactly Laura she was trying to make jealous. She’d never live that one down, if she ever managed to live any other aspect of this night down.

When she didn’t say anything, he stepped closer. “Why did you kiss him?”

“I’m sorry, Harry I just... I don’t know.”

He shook his head and took another step, making her eyes widen when he was close enough that she had to crane her head back to meet his gaze. “Seemed like you were trying to make me jealous.”

She swallowed, not exactly in the position to laugh it off and argue with him when he was this close and all she could feel were the traces of his fingertips on her thigh. Her voice was quiet when it finally came out. “Making you jealous would mean I assumed you liked me in the first place... which I’m definitely not stupid enough to assume.”

A crease formed between his brow and his stupidly perfect jaw hardened as if he was biting his tongue from saying something. And fuck him for choosing then to finally stop opening his mouth.

Just then, a pair of drunk guys, one on the other’s back, came racing through the foyer, screaming at the top of their lungs while a few others followed quickly after them. It was enough to force Harry away from Y/N again, enough for the both of them to step out of the little bubble they’d been in together the past ten minutes.

Once they were alone again, their eyes gravitated toward each other and just when she thought Harry might say something after all, he flipped around on his heel and left. And she watched as he turned the corner and mixed back into the party.

After a few moments to gather herself, she followed him, not exactly sure what she was going to do now that Harry wouldn’t talk to her and it felt weird being with Adam while Harry knew everything. But, whatever plans to keep herself occupied no longer matted when she spotted Laura.

Making out with Adam in the middle of the room. 

Without even thinking, she turned to locate Harry and he might as well have been a source of gravity because her eyes fell right to him within a second. And he was watching them too. He knew. 

He met Y/N’s eyes and she wasn’t quite sure if he was upset or not. She couldn’t really read anything on his face, and stopped attempting to when he moved towards her and she had other things on her mind, like where he was going and if he was going to bother taking her with him.

Shortly after he stormed past Y/N she made sure he wasn’t going to leave her behind and chased after him. She didn’t know Adam very well and definitely not Laura to want to stay with them. And everyone else in the room were complete strangers to her. Adam had promised he’d take her home, but he probably hadn’t expected to be making out with his ex by the end of the night, either.

Harry didn’t say anything, not even when they’d reached the foyer and Y/N asked where he was going. He just located his jacket and slipped it on before making his way out the front door.

And right when she thought he really was going to leave her behind, since she was the reason he’d just lost Laura to her ex, he held the door open and glanced over his shoulder at her while she still stood on the other side of the threshold.

“Are you staying?”

Without a word, she sprung into motion and trailed right behind him into the hallway like a lost puppy, letting the door shut behind her that cut them off from the music as it faded into the background behind them.

It was a silent trip down the elevator, mostly because she had no idea what to say that would sound sincere and he didn’t say anything at all. At least not until she followed him through the lobby until he stopped on the curb just outside the main doors.

She took up the spot next to him, eyes glued to the side of his face as he took in a deep breath of fresh air, or at least as fresh as traffic allowed it to be.

Then he spoke, and it seemed like the first time she’d heard his voice all night. “I’m the one who gave you the chocolates and the frog.”

She narrowed her eyes, both not exactly sure why he’d just said that or if he was even being serious. “What?”

He looked down at her. “It wasn’t Andrew, it was me.”

“Why?” She breathed and while she was positive she’d be freezing cold soon, the fresh air after being surrounded by so many people felt good. It felt freeing and she wondered if he felt that way too.

His eyes scanned hers before he looked away. “Well partly to apologize for what I said.”

“What’s the other part?”

Sighing, he turned his entire body to face her now. “Something else entirely…” He trailed off, only confusing her more as he stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared at his feet. “I didn’t tell you because I know you don’t like all this stuff, but seeing you with him tonight... I wish I had.” 

“It’s not that big of a deal. It’s just a frog.”

He shook his head, grinning. “It’s not just a frog, Y/N... because the thing is,” he paused to catch his breath, “I’ve been in love with you for... a really long time… since last spring. But with you being the way that you are, I never thought you’d feel the same way.”

She opened her mouth and then closed it.

“And then you come in with that guy and...” He pulled his fingers through his hair. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more jealous in my life... because all this time I thought you weren’t interested in relationships, but you just weren’t interested in me.”

Inhaling, she summoned every ounce of courage she could fathom. “You were right about why I kissed Adam.” He lifted a brow, waiting for her elaboration which never came. “You were right about other things, too. I wish I had someone to come home to almost every single night I got to bed alone. No one—“ She cut herself off, trembling again as tears stung her eyes. “I pretend not to be interested so I can ignore the fact that no one’s ever wanted me.”

“That’s not true.” He had that same look on his face as before, when she’d told him she wasn’t stupid enough to think he liked her.

She just nodded. “And I’m sorry but... why would you want me when you could have someone like Laura?”

“Y/N...” He huffed and stepped closer to her, the heat from his body making her shiver. “This is not the first time I started seeing someone to get over you... in fact, all my relationships since I met you have been shit.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Well you’re very anti-relationships so I think I was justified in wanting to avoid you rejecting me… especially since we work together and it would have been really awkward.”

“I don’t, uh... I...” She stammered, not really sure what to say to him even though her heart was screaming at her in full volume. 

He held his breath and then, in almost a whisper, “Is this the inevitable rejection?”

“No.” She didn’t even hesitate that time and at this point, her mind no longer controlled the words coming out of her mouth as she let another organ finally speak for itself. “No, I liked you the second I saw you, Harry... and at no point tonight was I ever trying to make Laura jealous.”

The corners of his mouth began to curl into a smile. “That was very cruel of you to do to me.”

“I didn’t think you liked me at all twenty minutes ago, Harry.”

“Twenty minutes ago,” he fully invaded all of her space now, leaving the smallest gap between their bodies as he could get away with, lifting his hand to her jaw and rubbing his thumb over her cheek. “I was still on this date with the wrong person.” 

“I think the date is over now.”

“No,” his eyes fell to her lips just like they had before. “It’s not.” 

“You’re looking at me like that again.” She mumbled, out of breath.

He lifted a brow and didn’t once remove his eyes from her lips. “Like what?”

“Like…” she trailed off, not having the courage to say it in case she wasn’t right. 

“Like I’ve wanted to kiss you for a very long time and I’m tired of pretending?” 

“Something like that, yeah.”

He grinned, both of his dimples making an appearance just before he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. And once her brain realized what was happening, she sunk right into him, letting his arm wrap around her waist as his other hand tangled its way into her hair to bring her closer. She threw her arms over his shoulders and he hunched lower to meet her. She staggered back a step when he did, nearly losing her balance but he caught her instantly and then drew his lips back as he laughed.

“This is not how I expected tonight to end.” She couldn’t help but think the way he struggled to catch his breath was possibly the hottest he’d ever been. Not to mention the tiny bit of her lipstick smeared on his face. She could look at him just the way he was right there and then for days and be perfectly satisfied.

“It doesn’t have to end yet.” She fully blamed her sudden burst of confidence on the cold, but refreshing February night. And maybe she also just wanted to get out of it before it caught up to her and she would, yet again, regret not having a jacket.

“Oh?” She wanted to smack the mischievous smirk off his face and leave him there on the curb. “And here I thought you were a prude.”

“You thought a lot of things about me that weren’t true, Harry.”

He thought about that for a moment and after realizing she was right, he then wondered just how wrong he was when he’d called her celibate. “I suppose… I’d quite like to find out just how wrong I was.” He slipped a loose strand of her hair back behind her ear, which is where his lips ended up as he whispered softly, “And I’d also quite like to show you just how wrong you were about me not liking you.”

They stumbled into her bedroom in the dark, Pretzel racing out between their twisted feet in a hurry, screeching at them in the process. Harry giggled against her lips, “Your cat sounds friendly.” 

“Well, since I was supposed to be spending tonight with her, and chocolate, and anti-romantic movies…” She pulled away from him, watching as his smile spread further. Maybe she could actually believe he’d been in love all this time. 

“Right… I’d be upset too.” 

She shook her head and kissed him again, then pulled back a second later. “You know that’s not actually what I do on Valentine’s Day.”

He lifted a brow and waited for her to explain but she didn’t.

“And what is it that you do, then?” He finally asked, curiosity getting the best of him, although he had some inkling as to what she was talking about.

Her smile was devoid of innocence as her hands fell to his belt. Harry’s shirt had already been lost to the kitchen floor. Her dress hardly covering what it was supposed to once Harry had gotten his hands on it. 

“Maybe you’ll get to find out.” 

When she brought her lips back to his, after undoing the buckle just under his navel, he spun them around and led her backwards to the bed. He wasn’t sure how far it was, but hoped he was headed in the right direction. And because of that, when her knees did finally bend over the mattress, he practically came flying down on top of her. 

She squirmed out from under him, crawling back towards the pillows as she watched him at the end of the bed while he stood and removed his belt completely, trying not to drool at the sight of him. At the sight of Harry, her fucking annoying ass, perfect, beautiful, coworker standing shirtless at the end of her bed where he was also about to be…

He pushed his trousers down off his hips and they fell to the floor with ease, almost with the same amount of ease that her eyes fell to the tight boxer-briefs he wore underneath. She swallowed as he adjusted the waistband back into place, quite certain that, even in the low light, her eyes were not deceiving her.

The bed shifted at her feet as he joined her, and then it took all her willpower to not fling herself at him as he crawled up the length of her. As he settled himself between her thighs and she felt every last, very hard, inch of him pressed against her. She couldn’t be blamed for the whining moan that she let out in his ear as his lips became familiar with the shape and taste of her neck. She also couldn’t be blamed when her hips instinctively collided with his.

He just giggled again and shook his head, the loose strands of his curls tickling her forehead. “Easy now.” He warned in a hushed mumble, his lips vibrating right against the vein in her neck that pulsed so much faster the more his free hand began to wander up underneath her dress.

He left her speechless for multiple reasons, but the main one was when she felt his fingers tracing down her thigh and then, moments later, after he shifted his weight and used his knees to keep her legs open, she sucked in a breath of air as she felt him pressed against her clit, forcing her nails to dig into his back but he didn’t seem to mind.

Coming back down to kiss her, he began moving his hand in expert little circles, grinning against her mouth every time her body begged him for more. It wasn’t long that he complied, either, when he sat back on his knees between her legs and tugged her underwear off for good, throwing it to the depths of her bedroom floor. He wouldn’t have known where they landed even if he tried because his gaze belong to her only as he lowered himself to his elbows before her, kissing his way up her thighs until he reached her center.

When she squirmed away from him, he wrapped his arms around her thighs and pressed his hands into her hips after gently moving her dress out of the way. 

“You know when we used to stay late at the office working?” He asked suddenly and the heat of his voice against her made her squirm again, but he held on tight. “And you would get sick of sitting in an office chair and made me promise not to tell Jim when you sat on his desk instead?” She had no clue where he was going with it, but still, she nodded. “Every single time I turned to look at you, I thought about doing this.” Before she could get words out or even a coherent thought, she felt his tongue on her. And this time when she jerked against him, she nearly slipped out of his hold until he grabbed her again and pulled her back down, digging himself further into her as she struggled to breathe properly.

She dug her fingers into his hair when he brought her close to the edge and showed no mercy. And somehow, she’d managed to get the sole of her foot up onto his shoulder in order to kick him away, but it didn’t matter much because he never budged. Not that she wanted him to, but he just felt so good… 

“Harry!” She shouted, pulling at his hair and making matters worse for herself when he moaned against her sensitive bundle of nerves. He let her come, never once lifting his mouth from her even as her hips jerked off the mattress and she very nearly pulled his hair out. When she stopped screaming, her voice caught in her throat because she was lost to her own orgasm, is when he lifted his mouth, replaced it with his fingers and watched her as she came down. As her eyes fluttered shut and her chest heaved, her lungs struggling to get oxygen back into her system. Her hold on him loosened as she came undone around him, melting into his hands it seemed like.

And when he began rubbing his index and middle finger into her, once she was far and beyond overstimulated, and he knew that, she reached down with a whine and grabbed his wrist with what little strength she had in her and pulled him away. His hand fell to the other side of her hip, which he used to his advantage to pull himself up over her again, his other hand taking her dress with it until he was able to tug it over her head and toss it. Then he came back down to kiss her, letting her taste herself on her lips. He rubbed his thumb across her cheek and when he pulled away, found her looking at him finally. Although it was with heavy lids as she still struggled to regain her bearings.

Before they could get much further, a loud crashing sound from the other room made both of them nearly jump out of their skin. She shot up instantly, grabbing hold of Harry’s bicep before moving him out of the way and sliding off the edge of the bed. 

“It’s just the cat.” Harry would have probably said the same thing even if it was not just the cat, he’d say anything just to get her to stay with him.

“I know but it sounded like…” her voice trailed off as her feet hit the floor and the moment she went to stand on her own two legs, her knees buckled. He reached to grab her waist but she righted herself before he could. She didn’t see the way he hid his cheeky smirk at the fact that he’d been so good, she was still dizzy.

“You good?” He asked as she stumbled her way into a shirt. With only a groan in response, and what he was sure was her middle finger, she left him alone in her bed to investigate the noise. Sighing, he laid on his back and got comfortable amongst her pillows. And after about three minutes, decided to locate the remote to her TV to entertain himself. 

He flipped onto his side and felt around her bedside table, but his fingers never landed on anything remote-like. So, frustrated, he reached up and switched the lamp on. Again, he found nothing. Looking further, he realized the table had a drawer and so he pulled it open in hopes of finding the damned remote before she got back. 

But what he found instead was so much better than turning on late night news.

“Fucking cat knocked over my vase.” Y/N was back within ten minutes. Harry had left the light on, but made sure it wasn’t obvious he’d gone snooping into her drawer, at least not yet anyway. She crawled back into bed beside him and it was then he noticed the bandage on her thumb.

“Are you alright?” He forgot all about what he planned to tease her with when he gently grabbed her hand to inspect the damage.

“Yeah. I was in a bit of hurry trying to clean up the glass…” 

Harry rolled his eyes and dropped her hand. “I would have come help you.”

She just smiled up at him as he fit his arm around her shoulders, his bicep under her neck. “That’s alright.”

He shrugged. “It was for the best anyways that I didn’t.” When he smirked, she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him.

“And why’s that?”

She followed his other hand as he reached for something and then, moments later, it reappeared with a very familiar pink object clutched in his grasp. “Because then I wouldn’t have found this.”

Her first reaction was to pry it from his snooping fingers, but when she reached across him to grab it, he way too easily held her back and, at the same time, held it far out of her reach. 

“So this is what you do on Valentine’s Day, then?” He flicked his wrist back and forth, waving her vibrator in the air as he taunted her.

“If you don’t give that back to me,” she reached for it again to no prevail, “you won’t be doing anything, least of all, me.”

He clicked his tongue. “Why would I give it back when I plan on using it?”

She froze and he chuckled at her reaction.

“Would be rude of me to break your traditions, wouldn’t it?” 

She swallowed, her eyes slowly meeting his again. The appearance of his right dimple told her he wasn’t playing any games. She had no idea how many times he planned to make her come tonight or whether or not she’d even be able to walk tomorrow at work. But, given the stupid look on his face, she almost began making plans to call out sick instead.

“Do you actually know how to use that thing?” She finally asked, glancing at the wand still held very firmly in his hand.

He looked at her like she was crazy moments before he pivoted and pinned her onto her back, settling himself into the position they’d been in before the interruption of the cat. 

Just, this time… he was clicking on her vibrator and watching her face as she began to regret her words. 

“‘Course I know how to use it. The real question is,” he brought his lips to her ear, the soft vibrations and the sound of his voice mixing together like sin itself. Even more so when he nipped at her earlobe. “Do you know how to handle it?”

[iguessilovebakugou]

Kill the Lights and Kiss My Eyes ||  Domestic!Bakugou x Wife!Reader [ +18 ]

I’ll be honest, I’m still so confused what HOH!* is, but...fuck, I know what domestic smut is.  I guess it’s finally time I take the fucking plunge, baby. 

Congrats Anon - this is my first smut drabble. I hope you're happy.

CW:  NSFW, Oral, Cunnilingus, Rough Kinks:  Lip biting, body worship, powerplays, Bakugou on his knees, Rougher Sex Word Count: 2.8K Pairings:  Pro!Bakugou x F!Reader

“So moving forward, I really think we should start having the clients be aware of the changes before they even get to that portion of the contract.”

“I agree.  I think that way, we’ll have ample time to inform them of the changes to how we handle their business.”

“Nng, Katsuki what the fuck?”

“Do you think we should create a contract specifically for this change?  I think that might be best, that way they can’t say they never heard about it.”

“P-Please, I...I’m in a-”

“That’s probably a good idea.  Mrs. Bakugou - what do you think?  Is that something you could do?”

He had been a terror the second he got home...and he had only been home for all of 2 minutes.  

He had been gone on some sort of mission for an entire month.  The first week was fine, the second wasn’t so bad.  The third?  The third was torture.  He would never say it, never admit it out loud, but he missed you.  It was subtle ways - to mask the fact that you were all he could think about those past two days.  Letting you know what time he would be arriving, complaining the whole ordeal was taking to long, and in the moments where he could - calling you and just letting the silence hang around you.  Getting as close to you as he humanly possibly could.

The moment you heard that door open, you knew Katsuki would be...unruly, but this was...okay, it wasn’t entirely unexpected.  

“I think her connection went down again.”

It happened a lot actually.

His nails drug down the skin of your thighs, leaving bright and angry pink marks until they his hands gripped your pelvis.  With a yelp, you were tugged further down into your office chair - which was already pretty damp with his affections.  You were left a groveling, mewling mess as he continued his attack.  The knew position gave him ample room to lavish your clit with more attention, running the tip of his tongue over and around it in circles before diving back inside you.  You tried to get a word out edge wise, but the moment his tongue slid against your walls, you were done. 

“Fuck...fuck, babe.”  A shiver shot up your spine as his tongue pushed further inside you.  It reached as far as it could go, lapping at the very core of you.  Each movement drew out the most desperate of cries.  He had only just begun and already you were quickly dissolving into a pile of rather pathetic whimpers as you curled around him.  "Please, I...I’m...”

“Mrs. Bakugou, can you hear us?”

If you didn’t respond, they would grow suspicious.  You could get in trouble, you would have to try and explain why your connection only every had a problem on the days your husband got home.  You reached, desperately for the spacebar on your desktop, trying to let them know you were in fact still there.  

But Katsuki’s hand shot out, quickly abandoning your thigh and snatching your wrist.  He didn’t pull away from you, refusing to slide his tongue out from inside you.  You looked down at him, through lidded eyes.  Another moan, fingers gripping the arms of your work chair when you felt the growl in his throat, felt the words he was trying to say against your lips.  They sent shockwaves up to the top of your skull and curling your toes.  You looked down at him through lidded eyes, desperate for some semblance of reprieve.

Don’t answer it.

“...ah.”

Fuck Katsuki Bakugou.  Fuck the fact he knew just how to touch you, to melt your will just enough to mold you into whatever shape he desired.  If he wanted to touch you, wanted to drive you over the edge at this very moment, who were you to deny him that?  Without another moment’s hesitation, you reached over your chair and grabbed the cord connecting your computer to the outlet.  With a grunt, you yanked, tugging the plug out of the wall and sending it scattering to the wooden floor with a Thud!

The voices from your meeting stopped and the screen behind you went dark.  The only thing keeping your office lit was the sun, which was already starting to nestle behind the trees of your backyard.  Katsuki paused, only a moment to watch what you were doing.  His expression, while cautious, seemed...surprised.  His eyes glowed in the light, his panting now more pronounced that the voices of your superiors weren’t droning on above it.  

You swallowed, harshly.  Your mouth was dry and your tongue felt like cotton.  It was still hard to breathe, still hard to think - no hope for any sort of long winded sentences.  But he had stopped, watching you now, and waiting - for you.  He had been so terribly awful, but you could see the patience nestled in his face.  He wasn’t going to make a move until you spoke.  

Your voice was low, deep in your chest as your fingers found their way into his wild, blond hair.

“If you’re gonna fuck me - then fuck me. ”

It wasn’t a just an invitation - it was something that he loved almost as much as you:  a challenge.  His eyes turned more wild and with another guttural noise, his lips curled up into a smile.  

“You’re gonna regret asking.”

If you had any doubt left in your mind that he was telling the truth, it was swiftly quelled.  Katsuki shut his eyes and pushed back against you.  Your chair - propelled by the sheer force of him - went crashing back against the wall.  The action yanked a gasp from you as his tongue was forced further inside you, reaching a new depth you hadn’t expected.  And then it was gone.  Still, his mouth refused to leave you, his lips now wrapped around your clit.  You felt empty, only for a moment - until two of his calloused fingers slide in deep and curled, rubbing your warmth quick and tight.  

You cried out, wrapping your legs around his shoulders to draw him closer.  To keep him right where the two of you wanted him to be.  No longer inhibited by some meetings about contracts that didn’t matter, you let your cries be heard.  You threw your head back against the window, resting it there while and moaned to your hearts content.  Your neighbors would hear surely, but let them.  It shouldn’t be a secret that your husband knew how to unravel you, that the man you loved had memorized every tiny spot that turned you into a puddle at his touch. 

Katsuki’s eyes never left your face.  You could feel him watching you.  And when his fingers curled up further, tugging at your core - fireworks erupted.  It wasn’t enough to send you over the edge, not just yet, but it was enough to draw your back up straight.  Your fingers tightened around his hair, your legs wrapped tighter around him.  “Keep...that...again...please.”

You could feel him chuckle against you.  The whine came from you, even before he drew his fingers back.  His tongue was drawn over the top of you.  In another breath, his lips wrapped around your clit.  And he started there again.

In moments like this, Katsuki never played fair.  You were certain half of what he did was to torture you, while the other half was because he liked watching you squirm and wiggle under his touch.  He would never say it out loud but you knew he adored seeing you like this, knowing full well no one else in the world got to see you such a begging, needy mess.  It was his little secret to keep.  And he was so very good at keeping secrets.

He deserved to be rewarded for it.

He didn’t expect you to reach out.  He didn’t expect your fingers to trail under his jaw bone, to pull him up and away from you.  For a moment, he snarled, not wanting to budge from his position.  But then he felt the urgency and, albeit begrudgingly, he lifted his head.  His eyebrow was cocked, his eyes narrowed and his glistening lips curled into a sneer.  “What?”

You gripped him by the fabric of his shirt, tugging forward and up to meet you.  The steadfast resolution to bring you to climax quickly faded as you pressed your lips to his.  A chaste kiss at first, soft and sweet.  One more, drawing him into you...

Your teeth found his bottom lip, gripping it and tugging it back, nipping hard enough to break the skin and draw a drop of blood against your tongue.  You smirked at the sharp intake of his breath, the way his body tensed at the action.  For as much as he knew how to unravel you, you equally knew the little notions that could ruin him.  The right places to touch him to make his knees buckle, to make him chase you for more.  And - like clockwork - the moment your fingers slid down his abdomen to run over the rise of him, Katsuki’s entire being shivered, his body leaned into your touch.  

You had been with him long enough to know when the façade was crumbling to the ground.  You could feel him twitch under you touch, feel the pulse of his desire.  His hands against your thighs gripped you just a bit tighter, his skin grew a bit hotter, his kiss was just a bit deeper.  

The groan you had elicited from Katsuki’s chest was intoxicating.  You could feel the rumble underneath your skin, crawling up your veins and fogging your thoughts.  The existence of you was his drug, just as he was to you. 

You took advantage of his parted lips, sliding your tongue against his.  He reciprocated in his own way, immediately fighting for dominance.  The chair slammed back against the wall, but this time you were prepared and so was he.  You slipped effortlessly out of your chair and into his lap.  His hands, calloused and rough, gripped your ass to pull you tight against him.  He grinded up against you in abandon, grunting softly against your lips.  His hands on your ass squeezed, making sure to hold you taut against him as he desperately rutted against you.  

The waiting was turning into madness - and judging by how quickly his hand reached for the hem of his pants - he readily agreed.  It was difficult for him, fumbling with the buckle and edging the fabric down over his hips.  You almost laughed, and would have if his mouth hadn’t captured yours before anything more than a gasp could escape.  

And then you felt it: the head of him, dripping with want, press against your entrance.  One final time, you felt his eyes on you.  Behind his grunting and growling, behind his shaking fingers, he was asking.  Making sure this was okay.  If you were alright with this.  

In response, you pressed down against him.  “Please,” You begged, just a whisper in his ear.  You felt him quake beneath you.  “Fuck me, Katsuki.”

He drove up into you and the force of his weight inside of you - although familiar - always drew a cry.  Katsuki paused, only for a moment, each breath he took shaking.  In that moment, there was nothing but the weight of him inside you - every glorious inch of him.  The world was empty - save for the two of you in that office.  You opened your eyes, taking him in.  The wild blonde hair, the rough skin dotted with sweat, the way his shoulders rose and fell as he tried to contain himself.  As he tried to keep himself steady and not rut into you like an animal.

He wanted to make sure this lasted as long as possible.  There was no telling when he would be dragged away from you again. 

Your fingers ran through his hair, gently holding it to tug his face out from where it was buried in the nape of your neck.  Gently, you peppered kisses over his face - across his forehead, over his eyes, on the tip of his nose.  There was a moment his hips bucked, to try and reestablish who was in control...but it faltered quickly.  He soaked in every ounce of affection, relished every gentle touch you bestowed upon him. 

His voice, so quiet and ragged when he finally spoke, was not a surprise.

“I’m going to ruin you.”

You huffed, your lips against his temple, dragging against his skin.  “Then ruin me.”

He was up in a flash.  A moment later, your back was against the desk as his mouth resumed its assault on yours.  It was smart - seeing as you cried out in absolute ecstasy when he began to pound into you.  

As promised - Katsuki was most certainly trying to ruin you.  Your hands scrambled, your fingers wrapped around his arms, gripping him as he began to pound into you.  There was no hesitation - each thrust was deliberate, their soul purpose to drag each and every lewd noise from you that they could.  And they did.  While he refused to pull his mouth from yours, that didn’t stop you from moaning, gasping and mewling every time his cock buried itself inside you.

The sound of his hips hitting your ass with such force was almost enough to drown out the sound of the desk skirting across the floor.  You paid no mind as the pictures lining it’s edge went clattering to the floor and shattering upon impact.  You paid no mind as your phone - buzzing away on the other side - sliding off the desk as well.  You tried to keep your mind straight, to try and stay grounded.  But you couldn’t - Katsuki was too much.

His thrusts grew faster, less timed, erratic as he drew closer and closer to his breaking point.  You finally opened your eyes, looking up to see him staring down at you.  The smirk on his face was a perfect blend of frustrating and heart pounding.  You greeted it with your own smile.  “F-...fuck, babe...”

“Beg for it.”

You grunted when his hands joined in, slamming you down against his thrusts.  You gritted your teeth, swearing again.  “Fuck, fuck, fuck...” You gasped when he did it again...and again...and again.  

“Beg. For. It.”

Each word was accentuated with a thrust.  Each thrust was accentuated with a cry of pleasure.  God he knew he was going to get his way.  He knew that no matter what, you wanted the same thing as he did.  He was just going to torture you until he heard you admit it out loud.  

Just for him.  Only for him.

“I...I want you to...Fuck, Katsuki!”

“What do you- ah...”  His hips refused to slow as he let out a grunt.  He lowered his body down, pressing his chest against yours and trapping you between him and the desk.  His lips found their way to your ear, his voice low - barely above a growl.  “What do you want me to do?”

He knew what you wanted him to do.  “I...I want you to...”

Your arms wrapped around his neck, your face burying itself against his shoulder.  Your mind was staring to go blank as you dissolved into a mess of curses and moans.  But he wasn’t going to stop until you answered him.

“Cum...I want you to...cum...”  

“Where?”

“Fucking damn it, Katsuki!”

“Where?”

The heat inside you was unbearable now.  The pleasure was forcing all logical thought out the window.

“I...just...”

You weren’t going to last much longer at this rate.

“please...”

And judging by the absolute bliss in his eye, he wasn’t going to hold out much longer either.  

“I-Inside!  Cum inside me!!”

You allowed the pleasure to crash over you - the pent up frustration from Katsuki being gone for so long, the undeniable desire for him to touch you, to fuck you, to love you like only he could.  With a final cry of his name and the arch of your back, it all went white.  

You felt his arms wrap around you, pulling you close as he rode you through it.  You’re still gasping for breath, the fog he lost you in starting to clear, when you realize his teeth are against you neck, muffling the .  You can feel him erupting inside of you, grunting as he fills you.  

The two of you are panting, sweating messes; your office is in an even worse state.  You’re a tangled mess of limbs, of gentle touches and dragging nails and...

“Fuck...”  He breathes, letting out another breath.  He doesn’t speak again until he’s lifted you up off the desk, weakly lowering the both of you down onto the floor.  You kiss him once more before he slips out of you, which he happily reciprocates.  He pulls back, looking down at you, his crimson eyes flashing.

“I fucking missed you.”

So...first smut....I hope you liked it - cause like...fuck bro...

I drank tea and burned through 3 different candles trying to write this and I’m still not like...super okay with it.

Send me more smut asks - I need to get used to writing it.